the little things

chapter fifteen: triggers

"i don't want to feel blue anymore."

After I get ready I go straight to Anthony's room before breakfast. It's become a routine now. I walk out of my room and shut the door behind me. I walk further down the hallway and push through his door.

"Rise and shine honey, time to go eat!" I exclaim. After noticing he's not on his bed and after he gave no reply I walk to his bathroom and knock.

"Anth? Hey, you in there?" I knock another few times.

"Anthony?" I ask for him again.

"Anth? Stop you're scaring me" I say louder.

"Anthony!" I knock more aggressively.

"You better not be naked, I'm coming in!" I say before forcing the door open with all of my strength.

My heart drops to my stomach as I stare at his lifeless body on the bathroom ground. His throat is slit and there's a piece of glass resting beside him. His body is blue and he looks cold. As I sit beside him and I feel him and he's freezing. He just looks so lifeless.

"Oh no, Anthony. What did you do?" I scream.

"No! No! Wake up! Somebody help, please!" I scream.

I hear footsteps approaching his bathroom. As Doctor Jay walks in I stare at her with blood consuming my hands. She stares at me then him and immediately calls for nurses.

"Emma. Hey, listen to me. You have to get out of here" Doctor Jay bends down beside me.

"Emma, you need to leave" She says once more.

"I-Is he going to die?" Is all I manage to choke up.

"Lucy, get her out of here" She says. Before I know it Lucy grabs me and escorts me out of Anthony's bathroom. She takes me into the medical room and places me on a bed. "Hey, look at me. Are you hurt?" She cups my face. I simply shake my head and let her clean me up. She wipes and washes all the blood off me. "Here put this on" She passes me a pink hospital gown in order for me to get changes out of my bloody clothes. As she leaves the room, I lift my top off me as well as everything else and slip the gown on. After I'm dressed, Lucy comes back in and throws my clothes in a pile of dirty clothes.

"It's okay, Emma. Everything is going to be okay" She says as she caresses my shoulder. "I need you to relax. Here these will put you to sleep" She passes me a mini cup with two small yellow pills.

"You want to drug me?" I chuckle.

"This is just to calm you down" Lucy says slowly. She hands me the pills and I throw them down my throat. After a few minutes I black out.

"Hey there, Emmy" I see my grandad in front of me with a wide smile.

"Grandad? Pops, is that you?" My eyes start to dampen as I touch his face. "Oh pops, it's really you" I pull him into a hug.

"Darling, don't cry" He strokes my hair.

"Where were you? Y-Y-You said you'd come back. Why'd you leave?" I stutter.

"I'm sorry. But I needed to watch over you, not be with you" He says as he pulls away. "You are so strong, Emmy. I'm so proud of you" He smiles.

"No! You're so disappointed in me" I sob.

"No! I'm not. You've come so far. I'm happy for you. But I need you to stay here for me, okay? Can you do that?" He whispers.

"No, no. I can't do this anymore" I sob harder.

"Of course you can, Emmy, I love you" His voice is just above a whisper.

My pulse is getting quicker. I'm back in my room and back on my bed. I look to my left to find a glass of water on my bedside table. I pick it up and chug it down all in one go. I wipe the sweat from my forehead with my hands and try to control my breathing. My attention is quickly brought to the rattling door knob. I notice that Hannah has walked into my room.

"Oh Emma, are you okay?" She rushes over and embraces me into a hug.

I am suddenly unresponsive. I can no longer hear Hannah as she speaks. My pulse keeps getting quicker and my vision is blurry. I keep zoning out.

"Emma?" Hannah says.

"Oh hey, sorry" I mumbled. Before she gets to say anything I say, "What are they doing to me? With the pills and everything" I ask.

"The pills are to calm you down. They're scared you'll hurt yourself after what you saw" She says quietly.

"I'm sure I won't kill myself, I don't have a mirror" I laugh slightly.

"Emma, he's going to be okay" She says to me.

"Really?" My eyes tear up.

"Yeah" She says. "You should get some sleep" She kisses my cheek and leaves my room.