Until the rain burns [ENGLISH VERSION]

9

September 24, 1991

No doubt I was not the same as one day I went. Dark circles and pallor had taken over me. The insomnia and the lack of desire to eat were making it visible on my outside. The only thing that kept me sane was coffee and tobacco.

I have not seen Kurt or the boys since they disappeared. I called every day and no one answered, I went to their homes every day and nobody opened the door for me. They had left me alone. All I had left was to see Kurt's pictures over and over as he cried. Wait for him every night on the couch in the hope that he would return. Falling asleep trying. The emptiness left in me did not succeed in filling with anything or anyone. I needed him. I missed him.

That afternoon of September 24, 1994, I was in bed smoking and drinking coffee as usual when I decided to turn on the television. A familiar voice took possession of the sepulchral silence that reigned in the room and I glanced at the screen.

Load up on guns, and bring your friends, it's fun to lose and to pretend ...

I knelt on the edge of the bed to get as close to the apparatus as possible.

- Kurt...

Once the video clip ended the presenter made his appearance.

And here you had Nirvana with "Smells Like Teen Spirit", the first single from their second album "Nevermind". They will be able to enjoy live Kurt Cobain, Krist Novoselić and Dave Grohl tonight at the Seattle fairgrounds at 23:00.

I had to go. Both my heart and my head screamed at me, so I changed my clothes and got into my old van heading to Seattle.

Once I parked, I waited outside for the concert to end, for I had another plan. When I heard the guys were saying goodbye I ran to the backstage back. Despite my attempts not to be seen, a security guard two meters tall, dark skinned and in black uniform got in my way.

- Where do you think you are going? -he said as he stopped my steps.

- I know them, let me through.

- Everybody knows Nirvana. -he laughed bitterly.

I was losing my hope of seeing them when I suddenly saw my opportunity to enter the backstage.

- DAVEEEEEEEEEE! -I shouted with all my might.

- What the hell are you doing, girl? -the security guard asked.

- Daveeeee, I'm Aisha, tell him to let me pass!

The black-haired man turned and connected his eyes with mine. He approached slowly in a state of shock.

- Do you know her?

- Y... Yes. We were friends. Let her pass Tom.

Once I had the free road I approached until I reached Dave, who had begun to walk in a state of confusion.

- What are you doing here? -he mumbled.

- Find answers. Why Dave? Why did you just disappear?

- Aisha...

- Why did you leave me alone? You did not even say goodbye! The only one that did it was Kurt and it was through a fucking note. -I started to cry as I took it out of my pocket- A fucking note, Dave.

- I know what it says ...

- So? Is that all the explanation you're going to give me?

- What the fuck... Aisha?

I turned and saw Krist approaching me with the intention of hugging me, but I pushed him.

- Why did you do that to me? You did not tell me anything. You simply disappeared. Why did you never respond to my calls? Why did you never open the door for me?

Krist tried to hug me to see that I was beginning to drown with my own tears.

- Do not touch me. Not until you give me an explanation. What did I do wrong to get that? -I cried even louder.

- Aisha... You did not do anything wrong.

- So!?

- Kurt told us that you got him stoned and that he did not want you to see him like that anymore. He told us that he was making you suffer and that he did not want that for you, so he decided to run away and leave a note because he knew he would be unable to look at you. He said that he preferred that you forget him and that you lived a life in conditions, finding a guy that deserves you. He forbade us to have contact with you so you would not find him. He threatened to dissolve the band. I'm really sorry.

I could not stop crying.

- That's the shit of explanation that you're going to give me? I have not forgotten him! It is not obvious? -I said.

- Aisha... You must know that Kurt has met someone. -Krist said in a low voice.

At that moment I felt a pressure build on my feeble chest, preventing me from breathing normally.

Then I saw him. Kurt was holding his hand with a blond woman a little taller than him and tremendously makeup. I wiped the tears that ran down my cheeks with the sleeve of the old green sweater he gave me and I fought so that those who threatened to leave stayed where they were.

- Aisha... -he whispered to me.

- Hi Kurt. -I trailed off.

- Oh, you know her? -said the woman, stroking the back of her neck.

- Yes... She was my neighbor when I was a child.

I do not know if it hurt more his grip and the caresses that he was giving or that he referred to me simply as "his neighbor when he was a child."

-Wow, I thought it was another stupid fan more. -she looked me up and down- and why you cry?

Kurt's gaze was fixed on me. Her lips formed a thin line on his face and his gaze radiated pity.

- Oh for nothing, it's just that it's been a long time since I've seen Kurt and you know... memories... of when I was a child.

- Ah, I see. -she leaned closer to him, gripping his waist tightly. Kurt's gaze was still on me- Well, let me introduce myself, I'm Courtney Love, Kurt's girlfriend.

- I'm Aisha... You know, Kurt's old neighbor. -I stared into his eyes and he looked away.

- Do you want to come and have dinner with us? You probably have many things to talk about if you have not seen each other since you were children. Besides, today we are going to give news and you could be you too. It will make you excited.

- I do not want to disturb...

- Aisha, I think Courtney's right. You two must have many things to talk about. -Krist said.

I looked at Kurt and he nodded without expression on his face.

- All right... -I sighed.