Until the rain burns [ENGLISH VERSION]

12

February 20, 1992

That morning I woke up being aware that Kurt was 25 and I was not going to be by his side. It had been more than a year since he left me alone and I still could not take it. I did not see him since September.

I came out determined to buy the bread when I began to see signs that Nirvana was performing that night in Olympia. My heart told me to go, but my head stopped me.

I got a call back home.

- Aisha Grace?

- Yes, it's me.

- Hello, this is Frank, the owner of Wild Rock Bar. I'd like to hire you for tonight so you could take pictures of Nirvana that's going to play here tonight. I'd pay you $300 for advertising the bar.

I hesitated a moment in silence, would I really accept that? When I saw the pits I had at home with the containers of the pizzas lying on the floor and the ash-filled ashtrays I told myself that a little money to start rehabilitating myself could use me.

- Okay, I think it's good. -I answered after ceasing my mental hustle.

- Perfect. The group starts playing at 9:00pm, it would be convenient for you to come fifteen minutes earlier.

- I will be there.

I was very nervous once I got to the bar. It was a dark den with four drunks, but I was sure Nirvana would make it fill up. Nevermind was a hit and even more like Smells Like Teen Spirit. I was very happy for Kurt in that aspect, since I always knew that he had talent for music and that one day he would become great.

I stood strategically in a corner until the concert began. Once I did the number of photos from different angles that the owner of the bar asked me to infiltrate the crowd and I took a photo for my own collection in which Dave hardly looked and could see how Kurt and Krist enjoyed in stage. I was ready to leave when it happened what I least expected.

- Well, this is the last song. I would like to dedicate it to a very special person who marked me a few years ago. I screwed it from the first moment and I have to admit that I miss her and that I regret everything. Many times I wonder what my life would have been like if I had stayed by her side. This is About a Girl and it's for you Aisha, I wish you were here.

My heart shrank and my legs began to fail when I heard him dedicate that topic to me. He used to sing his lyrics at night until I fell asleep. He knew I loved it.

In the last verse of the song his eyes connected with mine and did not take off until he finished playing. I wanted to run away, but at the same time I wanted to pounce on him and not stop kissing him.

Once the song ended Kurt took two seconds to throw the guitar to the ground to jump off the stage and come running towards me. The crowd tried to throw themselves at him, since everyone wanted to touch Kurt Cobain, but the same man who stopped my feet that day I met Courtney made his appearance with four more men leaving the way clear to Cobain.

I was petrified. Without realizing it I had already begun to cry. Inside me there were countless emotions crashing against each other. I hated him, I loved him.

Once he got to my side, the security guards had kicked everyone out. Krist and Dave were on the stage looking at us patiently. Kurt stopped slowly in front of me in silence and breathing heavily.

- Happy birthday Kurt. -I whispered.

He hesitated a few seconds, but then he came closer to me wrapping me in one of those warm hugs that made me feel safe. Those arms were my home. We both started to cry like two lost children. We did not want to let go. We were afraid that if we did, we would go undeviating.

- Thank you. -he whispered in my hair.

We broke the hug five minutes later, but we did not part. Kurt's arms were still on my waist, sticking our bodies as hard as possible. His blue gaze was on mine. He was transmitting the same insecurity as always, but at the same time he still had the same look as when he was lying next to me whispering how lucky he felt to have me. There was a special glow in it.

His eyes settled on my lips and instinctively I licked and bit them nervously. Kurt drew closer and closer to my face until our foreheads were resting against each other. I felt his warm breath on my face. His eyes were still on my lips. I wanted to kiss him. I thought he would kiss me, but instead he started to cry, sinking his face into my neck. I could feel his tears on my skin. Instinctively my right hand went to the nape of his neck and I began to whirl in his hair as he ventured and I cried again.

- I'm sorry... -he whispered in a groan- I'm sorry, Aisha, I'm so fucking sorry.

Knowing that he was crying in my neck broke my soul. I did not respond, I simply tried to drown my cries with my other hand and continue to make circles in their tufts.

- Courtney... Courtney is... Courtney is pregnant... -his small crying turned into an intense cry, was completely buried in my neck.

I felt a pang of pain piercing my chest.

- It's ... A baby girl... -he continued crying as he separated from me.

- Kurt listen to me... - I fought to be able to speak - Look at me, please. -I grabbed his face in my hands- You do not have to apologize. You're going to have a family, you're going to be happy. I only care about that, you know. If you are happy, I will be happy too. You get married in 4 days. Today you turn 25 years. You must be happy.

- I'm scared Aisha...

- Kurt, that baby girl is going to love you more than anything in the world, just like you are her. You will be a perfect family. -I removed the tears that were still on his cheeks and he closed his eyes tightly and sighed at my touch- I promise not to intrude. I know I'll miss you, obviously I will because I never stopped feeling that emptiness, but as I told you, I just want you to be happy and I will be happy. It's okay?

Kurt looked me in the eye again and nodded slowly.

- Please, do not cry any more. -he whispered.

- I try. Do not worry, I'll pass quickly. It's late already, I think I should go.

I grabbed Kurt's hands, letting him go, and let me go. He did not say anything, just stood there looking at me as he cried again.

Just before I reached the door I turned to look at him.

- Happy Birthday. -I forced a smile as tears began to flow out of my eyes.