Until the rain burns [ENGLISH VERSION]

The end

April 5, 1994

It was 9 in the morning when I left Olympia in the direction of Seattle. I was sure he was there. I knew him very well.

When he gave me the address of his house a couple of years ago I signed it, so I followed the indications and in almost a couple of hours I was there. All the doors were open, which surprised me.

A storm bathed Seattle that day. The city was shrouded in a dark, damp fog.

I entered that mansion, which, although it was almost 11:15 in the morning, was dark.

- Kurt? Kurt, I'm Aisha, the door was open. Are you okay?

I inspected the ground floor of the house, but there was absolutely nothing and no one.

- Kurt are you there? -I said a little louder as I climbed the stairs- If you hear me answer me.

Once I got up I heard some noise in a door away from the rooms. Specifically I was listening to someone cry.

I opened the door in fear of what might be inside. Lying on the floor in the fetal position was the boy with clear eyes with the label of being the voice of a generation. He was crying disconsolately, drowning with his own tears.

- Honey... -I whispered, putting my hand to his side and removing the hair from his face- Do not cry...

Kurt was still crying as if he had not noticed me. He looked very sloppy, he was shaking, and there was a syringe just a few feet away, so I assumed he'd just injected.

- Kurt, please... -he continued to stroke his hair.

- Aisha, go away... go away, everyone's gone. Go away! Leave me alone! That's all I deserve! -he said, trying to sit up.

- You know I would never leave you alone. I promised you every night since that winter of 90.

- Please go away... -he lowered his voice to tears again- I do not want to live Aisha. Not like this.

- Do not say stupid thigs.

- It's true. I'm tired of not even going to throw the trash without being thrown on top of me. I'm sick of the labels. Tired of the drug. Even Courtney preferred a thousand guys before me, you know? I suck, I always have. I do not want Frances to have a hard time when she grow up and tell her that her father was a fucking junkie. I do not want her to become someone like me. She does not deserve someone like me.

- Kurt you're the best Frances could have. Courtney is the one who is missing out on going with other guys.

- Stop trying to make me feel better Aisha. Why did you come? I left you. I left you alone. I was an asshole.

- Because I love you, Kurt. I have always loved you. I tried to forget you, but it did not work. Please stop talking nonsense...

I reached as close as I could to him until I grabbed his neck to lure him to me and kissed him. I remember that kiss as if it had been yesterday. I can still smell Kurt's scent and feel his lips on mine. I was completely in love with that man and that was never going to change.

He pulled away looking into my eyes and started to cry again. In a swift motion he ran to the corner of the room, lifted a blanket and pulled out a shotgun.

- Kurt, what the fuck are you doing? Drop your weapon! -I walked slowly toward him.

- Stay away! -he screamed.

- Kurt, please drop the fucking gun. -I began to cry desperately.

He did not listen to me and put the shotgun pointing at him.

- What the fuck are you doing, Kurt? -I snapped.

- Aisha sorry for everything, I was an asshole to leave without more. Every night I wondered how my miserable life would have been if I had passed you by. You do not deserve to be in love with a wretch like me. You do not deserve to go through everything I put you through. I do not deserve you and I never did. -he began to cry louder- Please, Aisha, do not hold a grudge against me. Please forgive me for everything I've put you through. Please go ahead. And please do everything you can to make Frances happy. When she ask for me tell her that I love her very much and that I will always be by her side even if she does not see me.

My legs trembled, I could not stop crying and I was not even able to articulate word.

- Aisha, I love you and I will love you until the sky is permanently stained red, until the sea is dry and until the rain burns. -his eyes were fixed on mine.

In a swift motion he thrust the tip of the bullet into his mouth and I began to run in his direction.

- Noooooo! -I screamed.

But a sound much more deafening than the thunder from outside stopped my feet causing it to fall to my knees covering my ears.

When I got to look up I saw that Kurt was lying on the floor. I stumbled over my chest.

- Kurt wakes up! Wake up, fuck up! What the fuck have you done? -I shouted at him.

I shook him. I hit him. I hated him. I loved him more. I waited for him to wake up. I tried to revive him. But nothing. He had already left and left me, and this time forever.

I looked up and placed him in him beautiful blue eyes still open with a few tears about to escape. Gently and wetting him face with my tears I closed them and then gave him a kiss on the forehead. The last kiss.

The storm was on its way through Seattle. The raindrops ferociously beat the crystals, and the thunder was heard again throughout the city.

- I promise that I will never forget you, my life. See you at the stars...

I wept again without rest until I fell asleep in his still chest, letting me fade, since I wanted to feel close to him for the last time.

Many people lost an idol that day. To a humble person with a heart where there was only good. No doubt he had no idea of the moment he had marked in many lives, nor was he aware of what he was going to be missed.