Lost Girl

35

"What is it called when you feel pain somewhere between your chest and your heart?
You can't seem to pull yourself out of the dark, you somehow laugh and after it wears off you go back to that unhappy hole... The void is so strong you can't seem to curve it... You aren't alone but you sure as hell feel like it. You can't understand why you feel this way because you thought everything was going oh so great, but something just drove you in the wrong lane. The end of that lane is a dark and sea like shallow, it's weighing you down. You find some type of happiness and once again it wears off and your sunken into the desperate something that is oh so lonely, it wants you to keep it company. This happens over and over again... Probably not every day, but it happens and it happens often."
-Fayee

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Miaa POV
October 21th

I sluggishly got out of bed , smelling the aroma of sex and breakfast. I chuckled while shaking my head, remembering last night. Looking over at the time I saw that it was pass 2 in the afternoon. I am not surprised that I am just getting up, I had a couple of drinks and Chris put it down. My stomach was screaming hunger so I hurried and took a shower and handled all of my other hygiene responsibilities, I made my way down stairs. Chris was in the kitchen dancing a little listening to Speed Demon by Micheal Jackson. He was so into it he didn't even realize I was now sitting on the island eating strips of bacon off of someone's plate. Since he had his back towards me I threw a nearby plastic spoon at him hitting him right in his big ass head. He turnt around so quick it was the funniest thing, I busted out laughing with the bacon in my mouth and all.

"Oh Chris you have to be aware of your surroundings sweetheart!" I laughed sounding like someone's Mom

"Ew bruh you have bacon in your damn mouth! Chew and swallow women!" He picked the spoon up and threw it back at me making me stop laughing. On my Kanye shit

"Now why-" he cut me off

"Yeah It don't feel good reversed does it ? Messing up my groove! Getcha fat ass off the table eating up all the food it's not done"

"First off this isn't a table you genius and second lick my clit you bastard! I am not fat!" I rolled my eyes taking another strip of bacon while getting off of the island

"Who cares , yes the hell you are your dumb self was suffocating me last night wanting to be riding my face and shit. I could not breathe at all!" He laughed and I mugged

Anger built inside of me so I threw the whole plate of bacon at him and ran out of the kitchen, I felt the bacon making its way back up my throat so I hurried and ran to the bathroom. Thankfully the toilet seat was already up, Chris held my hair while I vomited. I felt so sick. After I was finished I flushed the toilet, Chris handed me my wash cloth and said

"Are you pregnant?" I looked at him and turnt my lip up

"Nigga no! Move I don't like you!" I brushed passed him to brush my teeth

Afterwards I went downstairs to chill with Leé who was still here. I'm not complaining tho, I'm glad she is here so I won't have to talk to Chris 7 mile forehead ass.

"GIRLLLLL get your brother before I knock him in his face!-" That's all I remember as I finished my journey to the basement. I blacked out

"Hello? Ms.Goldie?? Did you hear what I said? I said Your Pregnant" I heard the nurse say

*******

"CHRISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!" I screamed and cried scared the dream was true. He came running in the room with fear and worry written all over his face

"What's wrong baby!? What happened!?" He sat down and pulled me onto his lap, wiping my tears

"Baby am I pregnant??" I cried

"Babe I don't know... Why did you ask that? Do you think you are?"

"I had a dream and it felt so real" I stared crying again plus shaking out of nervousness

"Miaa stop crying, why are you crying???" He asked embracing me

"Chris I don't wanna be a mother yet ... I'm not ready ... I'm not" he shushed me and told me we can go see tomorrow.

The whole day I've been worried, scared and stressed. Me and Chris never talked about kids and if we did we wasn't serious. I guess that's what you get from having unprotected sex. I signed biting my nails, something I never do. (WRAP IT UP GUYS!!!!!)

"What's wrong babes? You've been acting strange all day." Leé came in and sat next to me on the couch

"I had a dream this morning. I threw up, passed out and woke up to a doctor telling me I was pregnant... Me and Chris always have unprotected sex, he pulls out but there is a thing called pre-cum. I'm just scared" Leé pulled my hand away from my mouth to stop me from biting my finger nails

"First off stop stressing if you are pregnant that isn't good for the baby. Second if you are pregnant you are good, your relationship with Chris is amazing, you guys are stable and he isn't going anywhere. Cheer up Peppie" I chuckled because I've never heard that "name" before she always come up with these weird names to call people. I took a deep breath and calmed down

"Okay but I am not ready to be a mother, to be a mother you have to fully love and understand yourself and I don't fully love or understand myself. I'm still vulnerable, I am trying to love myself and put the past in the past. The understanding part, oh gosh I have to understand that things happen for a reason. I love myself and I understand some of the things I do but not fully. How am I supposed to give my all to a child when I can't even give my all to Chris. I love him so much but sometimes I just can't express it the way that I really want to. I want to be able to give him his first born, I want to be able to love him fully and give him my all, plus become his wife but I am scared for some reason.

"Miaa, I am here with you every step of the way. I promised to love you, and what I mean by you Is all of you. I get that you are scared and that's okay for right now because I am here to help you overcome your fears. I am here to stay forever, I will help you forget about your pass, I will help you love yourself fully and I'll help you believe that I am for you and only you and I will not hurt you. I understand that you aren't ready, I understand that you feel the need to be shut in. I beg to differ though, you don't have to be shut in or held back from the past. You have me to focus on, plus yourself, it is so much out here that we can concur with or without a baby. You are beautiful to me and your flaws aren't flaws to me they are beautiful stories, and baby I can read you all day everyday for the rest of my life and never get tired. I love you and I'm here to stay I mean it.