On My Mind

I Failed?

Kim Taehyung

I stood outside my family's house, feeling the heat all over the exposed parts of my body. I laid down on the warm, lively grass on my soon to be rotten body.

'How do I live without you?"

I didn't want to face reality's fate it was giving me. I just wanna be happy again.

'Should I wait for you?'

Sometimes I think I'm crazy, I'm only 12 and I'm already feeling this way. But I guess he had a huge effect on me.

'How do I get rid of this pain?'

I wasn't too crazy though. I wasn't about to hurt myself just because I'm lonely now. Maybe, I will.

I just want to give him all the gifts of the world, all the kisses I can place on his luscious looking lips and be able to claim him as mine.

'What should I do?'

'I don't have anything or anyone to live for'

'Do they even love me?"

'I wish I could forget about him'

'Forget about all the thi-'

"Taehyungie!"

I snapped out of my dark mind and sat up, facing my Mommy who had called me.

"Yes Momm- Mom?"

"What happened to calling me Mommy?"

"I just wanna be mature like Yoongi-Hyung"

Just saying his name is painful.

"Aww, sweetie. That's nice, but you can be a child all day when you're at home. I don't want you to grow up"

"I'll keep that in mind"

Maybe being acting like a child drove him away from me

"Lets get you into a bath. How long have you been outside admiring the Sun?"

I wasn't admiring the Sun, I kind of wanted  to rot from it or feel the heat, just to see if I was alive.

"I don't know, I didn't bring my phone with me"

"Well I guess that doesn't matter. Let's just go inside."

I got up, losing my balance a bit, and walked over to the open door that waited for my presence.

I got inside and went to the bathroom to wash up, and met my Momm- Mom setting it up for me.

"It's a bit cold, but I hope you have a nice, peaceful bath Taehyungie"

She left and I soon started undressing, looking at myself in the large mirror like always.

Internally Judging Myself

I looked at every crease of my body, and described it in my own hateful word.

'Pale, from the lack of proper nourishment'

'Skinny, from the the amount of movement'

'Eye bags, from the lack of sleep'

'And lastly, my hollow eyes, which I have no words for'

I set my foot into the icy cold water, letting it settle in as it became numb, along with the rest of my body.

I soon was able to set my head, fully, underneath the water. I felt numb again, but I didn't mind.

'Should I drown?'

I set my head it deeper, not getting up from my determination, and soon got dizzy from the lack of air.

"TAEHYUNGIE!"

I didn't reply, nor did I get up.

"TAEHYUNG!"

The voice said again, it was muffled because I was under the water. I could hear what else they said until...

I Blacked Out

'Did I actually accomplished killing myself?'