On My Mind

Time

Kim Taehyung

"Taehyungie?"

"He'll be alright"

I flutter my eyes open, I didn't want to get up, but I had to because of my Mommy's concerned voice.

"I'm here Mommy"

I said, looking straight into her sorrowful eyes, as she had already begun to cry.

"I'm so sorry I couldn't be there"

"It's okay, it's my fault"

"No, Tae, it's not."

"I'm sorry Mommy"

"It's okay, Tae"

After that whole incident, we both came back home to see my Daddy having a breakdown of how I was about to die if he hadn't come.

Days passed, and I went to the doctor. I wasn't able to hear a word about what they had talked about, but I knew it was something serious if my Mommy was crying.

Weeks passed and they've been very careful of me. When I were to use the bathroom or take a shower, my Daddy would be there to make sure I didn't do anything.

My Mommy had to keep me in her sight of we were to go somewhere, so I wouldn't run off and hurt myself.

They both would sleep in the same room as me or vise versa so nothing will hurt me. I still had some kind of suicidal thoughts, but I shoved them away just to keep my parents happy.

Eventually years passed, 4 years to be exact. I'll be going to specific classes made from my parents and I didn't have any friends.

I wanted to have the old Taehyung back, where I was happy about everything, innocents still had remained in me before they had left me, and most of all, being able to show my feelings.

I had locked myself up in my room after all that carefulness around me had stop. I became more awkward around people and I didn't talk as much, just observing.

I still took proper care of myself, and reminded myself that I had to be more manly, but I couldn't.

I had muscles but to the human eye, it looked like a normal arm. I had a lot of things others wouldn't have, but to them, I was just normal.

Today is when I get to have my fresh start. I'll be in my 2nd year in high school, so I wanna set a good impression on the new kids.

I didn't want to be called names, I didn't want to be an overachiever. I didn't want to get beat up.

I just simply wanted 1 person, but of course, he'll never come back.

'Should I pretend?'

'Maybe that's best for me, my family, and soon to be friends'

'I wouldn't be lying, I would just ...'

I couldn't finish that one. I know I'll be lying to others who like my false self, but what made me stop?

"Taehyungie, make sure you have everything ready in your backpack for school tomorrow!"

My Mom yelled, as she was downstairs making breakfast.

I did what she had said and soon came down stairs to eat.

"Taehyungie, how are you on this beautiful morning?"

"I'm good, but tired"

I lied, I didn't know how I felt

"How are you Mom?"

She made the King of Breakfasts, pancakes, eggs, fruit and other wonderful food items.

"I'm great! In fact, we are actually going to a gathering with my friends and co-workers this afternoon"

She was overjoyed, I didn't want to break that because she loves to talk with others. If she could, she can talk about an anything for hours!

"Don't you think it'll be a bit rough on Taehyung when socializing?"

My Dad defended me. I wanted to take his side, but the happiness on my Mom's face was wiped away. She then showed a concerning look, and nodded, signalling that my Dad was right.

"It's okay, Dad. I'll go"

"Are you sure, Taehyung?"

"Yup!"

He smiled and continued to watched the news.

I then looked at my Mom and smiled as I sat down and eat the breakfast she had prepare.

"Taehyungie, go change into whatever you like. We'll be leaving in an hour or so, and it'll be better if we all changed"

My Mom had said after we finished eating and left to her and my Dad's room to change. I soon did the same after placing all the plates in the sink and washing them. During that process, I began to talk to myself.

'I'll be pretending this time'

'An act for all the world to see'

'Who will be deceived?"

'I already have'