Chapter nine :D
a very short chapter, slightly repetative, but has alot of emotion.
Anyways. Enjoy, vote & comment please !
And of course, no offense to all yew emos out there. See, Maria isn't really emo. Her emotions are scarred, and she takes refuge in knowing that she can call herself emo, because it's the closest thing to self-expression she's ever had. SHES NOT REAL EMO.
Note: This is Maria's thoughts after she got home from school, right after the last Maria chapter.
-Sarena
PS. For your own enjoyment, listen to I Must Be Emo - Hollywood Undead ^ ^
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NiO3Umunhtk
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Maria
I've always been the sweet, preppy, cheerful little girl...
Would you believe how stupid I was?
I definitely can. All this time, my life has been a lie. Honestly.... My parents don't care about me. Mark was never very good at showing affection. My friends only hung out with me because I was popular and pretty.
All of my ex-boyfriends- they only saw my outer self. Deep down, none of us had ever really connected. It's like they wanted me solely because we looked good together. Or maybe it was just some sort of competition with the other guys that I never knew about. Just to see who could "get the girl" and triumph over the others.
All of the people in my life were simply using me for one reason or the other.
What's the use?
It's not like I ever really liked them anyway. I feel like I only went out with them because I wanted someone that I could rely on and trust. I wanted to feel like I could be my true self with someone and not hide in the shadows. But they couldn't even see my true self. Deep down, not that I'd ever admit it... I'm really sensitive. I'm lonely and insecure, but I don't have the heart to tell anyone, because I'm scared that they won't accept me for who I am.
The only one who understood me was Ethan, but he's not real. I can accept that now. I can accept that I'll never meet someone like him. In my eyes, he's perfection. He's an ideal; an unattainable dream that haunts me like a nightmare. Because no matter how hard I try, no matter how many excuses I make to myself, he's just a dream- and here I am, struggling to catch the sweet residue of perfection that he's left behind.
All this time, I've been simply searching for an enchanting soul like Ethan. But what's the point? I never can, and I never will. I was so stupid that I even tried to fool myself by buying a hamster and naming it after him. What good will that do? I mean, they're totally different. Ethan is the perfection I'll never have, while Hammy-Ethan was just an innocent hamster that I took too seriously, and he's gone now. It's probably my fault too. What is wrong with me? Why am I so stupid? Why can't I make the right choices anymore?
I'm clueless.
All I know is... I must be emo.
