the quiet ° phan

vii. ache

Despite having taken the strongest pain medication in his parents' medicine cabinet, Dan woke up in intense pain and agony. His fingers had swollen and turned purple. The bones were aligned at weird angles. Dan could hardly move his fingers. Dan couldn't explain what happened to his parents because he couldn't move his fingers to sign, so he decided to avoid the topic all together.

Alfie just so happened to injure Dan's left hand, his dominant one, which meant Dan couldn't do anything. It took him six minutes just to put a glove on his left hand and two minutes to open a pill bottle. He was surely going to be late at this point, or he would pass out from pain.

Dan went downstairs to eat, careful to hide his hands from his family. Hopefully they wouldn't ask questions and just assume he wasn't in the mood to chat.

"Good morning, love. I've already set your breakfast on the table," his mum said.

Crumpets. Thank God.

There was no way he could use any utensils with his right hand.

He picked up the buttery, spongy crumpet and went to take a bite.

"You don't want any jam or cream?" his mum asked.

Dan shook his head and flashed her a smile to show that nothing was wrong, when in fact, everything was.

Time couldn't pass any faster. Only two bites in, it was already time to go. At school, by the time he opened his locker and grabbed his things, the bell had already rang. Phil was noticeably absent which made things harder for Dan. Still, Dan didn't want to deal with his questions.

Dan ended up sitting alone at lunch. He sat in Phil's seat with his back to Zoe's table. Only a few minutes after Dan sat down, Phil appeared.

"Hey," Phil said. He set down his lunch tray and noticed Dan didn't have any food in front of him.

"Are you not hungry?"

Dan shook his head.

"You know you can tell me anything."

Dan wanted to tell him, but he didn't think he could. He lifted his right hand to sign a "Z," but when he realized he had to lift his left hand up as well, a tear slipped out.

"Dan?"

Dan couldn't respond.

Phil placed his hand on Dan's, but this caused him to grimace in pain. Phil immediately lifted his hand and slowly peeled Dan's glove off. As soon as the glove was off, Phil gasped.

"Oh my god...they're not...they shouldn't...who-who did this?"

By now, others has also taken notice of the scene. Dan dipped his head to hide his tears from the crowd. Phil was looking back and forth at every face he knew trying to discover who hurt Dan. Not one muscle in the onlookers' faces so much as twitched.

"Come on," Phil said, taking care to grab Dan's right hand. He guided the boy out of the dining hall and led him to the Dean's office.

The whole way, Dan couldn't stop thinking about much he ached all over, not only in his fingers but his heart.

"Mum?" Phil said. "I need the car."

As soon as Dean Lester saw Dan's situation, she immediately agreed.

"I'll call your mum," she told Dan.

It was a miracle they made it to the hospital without further injury as Phil kept looking over at Dan every few seconds. Dan had to look to the left out the window just to avoid awkward eye contact.

They finally made it to the hospital without a scratch. Phil opened the door for Dan seeing as his left hand was useless. He helped Dan out of the car, never leaving his side until they were in the presence of a doctor.

"It appears as though your index, middle, and ring fingers have been severely fractured. There's a lack of blood flow to those extremities and intense swelling. I'm going to put your fingers in splints and prescribe a few pain medications."

Dan just nodded. He was on edge and just wanted to be relieved of this pain. He couldn't think about Zoe or what he would tell people; he just focused on the moment.

After a few long hours, Dan's hand was taken care of and Dan could leave the hospital. Phil didn't say anything on the drive to Dan's house. He seemed tired and distraught. It had been quite a day.

Dan's mum was already home when the boys arrived. She left work early when Dean Lester called her and informed her of Dan's injury.

"Thank God you're okay," Dan's mum said as she embraced her son. She rubbed his back and let out a breath against the nape of his neck. Dan was on the brink of tears once more. He felt so terrible about hiding this secret from his mother, and though there were still ways for him to communicate, but he secretly he didn't want to; he just wanted to avoid confronting anyone forever.

For him, forever was only a month.

It took some convincing, but Phil was able to get Dan out of school for two weeks until his hand was somewhat better. He would eventually return to school and carry a laptop to type his words as he couldn't write with his right hand. It also meant he had to face Zoe and Alfie sooner than he wanted.

Dan couldn't even picture them without his anger flaring up. Every time he examined his fingers, he saw Zoe's loving hand stroking his and then Alfie's clenching them until they broke.

Dan lay in bed as these destructive thoughts swirled in his mind. It was late, yet he could hear Phil speaking with Dan's mum. He wondered what he'd told her and what he knew.

Phil came into the room just as Dan began to drift off to sleep.

"Your mum asked me to stay until she can get some days off," he said.

He sat down on the edge of Dan's bed and touched his hand to Dan's wrist.

"Are you okay?"

Dan hesitated. His building relationships were in ruins. His growing confidence had been shattered. Every good thing that had happened was laying at his feet in rubble and ash. No, he wasn't okay.

He shook his head.

And thus Dan placed a burden on Phil. He was left with the knowledge that his best friend was suffering and he didn't know why.

"You should get some rest."

Phil got up and went to turn off the lights. He looked back at Dan one last time; his tear-stained face, his purple fingers, and his broken heart.

A heart he was determined to heal.