➼ Reset

-one-hundred-seven days later-

Remember when you said 'Jaehyungparkian forever', Brian? How we promised we would be friends forever? Because I do. I remember coming up with that dumb name. We called ourselves Jaehyungparkian all the time, even though you hated that name with a passion. Or at least you pretended to hate it. I know that deep down, you secretly liked it because you used it even more often than I did. 
We've been friends for so long. Ever since we first met, back in 6th grade when I had just moved to Korea, we had been inseperable. You were the only one who'd talk to the weird boy with the dumb glasses and the funny accent. You told me to call you Brian because you knew Younghyun, your actual name, was a bit too hard for me to pronounce. You helped me adjust to everything. From day 1, you've always been by my side and I have always been by yours. We promised each other we would never leave. I never wanted to leave you; why did you want to leave me?
Don't you miss our late-night talks? Don't you miss calling me at three in the morning asking me to go get pizza with you? Don't you miss writing stupid songs together and singing them all the time? Don't you miss me at all?
Why did you push me away? I don't know what I did to you. I don't think I will ever find out because you refuse to tell me, so I can only speculate. 
Seeing you at school every single day was so hard. I asked my parents if I could transfer to another school and thankfully they agreed because they never liked our school anyways. I started going to a different school a couple months ago... when the new school year started. Did you even notice that I don't go to your school anymore? Probably not. I was hoping you would notice it though. It was so hard transferring to another school; I was so used to seeing you every day. Not being able to do that anymore is hard, but I had to do it. I had to get away from you. I hope you can forgive me for that.
Brian, it has been 107 days since you told me you hated me and didn't want to be my friend anymore. I am still so sad. Can't you please at least tell me why? Maybe that would make it easier.
I just want my best friend back, so where are you? Please talk to me... I need you so much.

I finish typing the message and read it a few times. After the third time, I decide not to send it and I delete everything. I've tried talking to Brian before, but no amount of long, heartfelt messages will ever get him to respond, so I shouldn't bother him with another one. It wouldn't make a difference. I would only be hurting myself again. He would look at it and either ignore it or send me a hateful reply.

I don't know what to do anymore.