Dead || h.s

three

Sonaclair

I honestly don't care how bad this looks to our moms because I just got complemented. I can't put words together in my head to form sentences. It's all fuzzy and blurry, especially when I look over to Harry. Our mothers are just continuing on like nothing happened, or this was just a normal thing, but I can see it in my mother's face that she is shocked but quite satisfied with the sight in front of her.

"No, It's.. erm... not what it looks like" Harry tried to explain but with all his mumbo jumbo for words it seemed exactly what it looked like. I was in a happy mood, and I'm not letting this rare moment go to waste.

"No you see, Anne and Mother of mine, it's exactly what it looks like" My statement shocks them out of their socks and they look like they had just been slapped in the face. I glance over at Harry as he looks the same while I just smirk. I don't want to say goodbye, even though it is rude, I march up the stairs and turn to wink at Harry.

Yes, I just winked.

And it felt pretty awesome.

When I got to my room and plopped down on my bed. My room is all white, white is the purest color known. 

I didn't hear footsteps so I jumped a bit when I heard Harry's voice.

"I didn't see you as an all white type of girl Rose" his head leaned against the door frame but he never came in. He stood out there, acting like he didn't want to intrude. What a friendly gesture. 

"Was it true?" I ask him without realizing it. It's been on my mind for the full 5 minutes since I found out so this is torture.

"Was what true?" He asked. Maybe he doesn't remember. Did I even tell him that I saw it? Well why would I?

"The um, text you sent to your mom" I said shyly. It's easier to get the question out of the way now, then to be haunted by the fact you never asked at all.

"About your beautifulness babe?"

How could he know? Did I even mention it to him? Can he read my mind? Oh my gosh. I have never felt so girly in my life. Something in my heart and stomach is just bouncing around. I can't breathe but I can. Things are hot and cold with me, it's like a war in my body and I don't even know what I'm fighting about.

"Rose, are you okay?" He looks at me with worry and smirks slightly.

Why is he effecting me in such a way? I look at my hands and they're shaking uncontrollably, and I feel like a can run a marathon off of this energy!  I get up and pace around my room, which eventually turns into running and jumping on my squeaky bed. He looks at me go from the corner. I don't blame him for looking at me weirdly because this totally isn't me. But i want to be this girl what smiles all the time and is friends with everyone and wears flowers in her hair and guys like her. That girl who is never alone because people actually like her. Why do people always leave me alone? Why doesn't anyone like me?

"Because you're a bitch. You're meant to be alone. All you had is your dad who ra-"

"LEAVE ME ALONE ROISE! PLEASE" I feel like my parade has been pooped  on and my whole body is failing me. I sound like dying whale and my hair is about to be ripped out by my own hands. What's happening? That good feeling has diminished as these random voices fill my head. Rosie is out to kill me.

"Kill yourself"

"Die"

"Ignore them!"

"Cut your arms"

"Get raped again"

"Look at Harry remember Harry!"