Love

8. Pain

The hardest thing I'll ever do is walk away still loving you. - Anonymous

♡♡♡

Dear dream guy,

Once...
I looked up to the sky,
It was the one decorated with innocent sweet white fluffy clouds,
The blue colour - calming.

I closed my eyes,
Enjoying the cold breeze,
Caressing every inch of my face with loving gesture.

The birds sang some kind of happy melodies,
The perfect sound for my ears.

Then...
I heard a striking sound of thunder,
Filling up the air with misery.

I opened my eyes,
The wind swirled in a dizzy motion,
Hitting my cheeks with a painful slap.

I looked up at the sky,
The calming colour was gone,
The dark grey colour now painted the sky with sorrow,
The clouds were looking down at me with a devilish grin.

I screamed but the storm just got harder,
I cried,
I ran around trying to find my way out but I was trapped.

I knelt on the muddy grass,
Couldn't care less if it left dirty stain on my pure white dress,
Asking why would something so beautiful always easily be taken away from me.

I... I hated the rain.

Until...
Something warm caught my trembling hands,
Tracing each and every soothing pattern on my palm.

I looked down on my lap,
Refusing to look up anymore,
I was afraid.

A second passed by when a smooth touch underneath my chin lifted my face.
I saw the most comforting smile.

Your smile, my dream guy.

You left me wondering how someone manage to keep smiling while the world was clearly mocking and hurting us,
You asked me to smile but...
I refused to.

I asked you to leave me alone,
But as always,
You wanted to stay.

You grabbed my hand,
Gently helping me to stand up,
I wondered what was actually going on inside that mind of yours but you surprised me by pulling me into the rain.

What a fool, I thought.

We were completely soaked in water,
Trembling and shivering from the cold,
But you... you kept on smiling,
Opening your arms wide,
Enjoying the feeling of rain trickling down your face.

"Are you crazy?" I asked.

"No, I love the rain."
Was all you said to me.

"Dance with me."
You added while holding my hands, keeping them in your gentle grip.

You filled up the puzzle pieces between our fingers,
Interlacing them together,
I looked at how they were perfectly intertwined.

With that,
We danced in the rain,
Laughing and twirling in circle,
You made me happy with your laugh,
You gave me my smile,
You told me that it was fine to act crazy sometimes,
Our clothes were completely drenched but we didn't care,
About the storm,
About everything.

And,
You made me realised that there were so much more about the rain,
A cure to our heartache,
You told me that the dark grey colour was only a temporary arts before the sky was painted with colourful rainbows,
You told me that the cold chilly wind will give us new strength,

And... you told me that 'the rain is beautiful',
Just like me.

With those words escaping your lips,
You pulled me closer to you,
Embracing me with warmth,
Your fingers running through my hair, Settled on my cheeks and caressing it with tender touch.
Our faces slowly became closer,
Our foreheads touched,
Our intertwined hands tightened as if scared if we let go, the moment will vanish forever.

I felt something that I never experienced before,
The nervous feeling yet pleasant at the same time,
I was scared at how our heartbeats were beating so fast as if they will burst out.

I looked up,
Your eyes were looking at me with some kind of emotions that I couldn't describe,
So comforting and full of... love?

My smile faded as that word came into my mind.

Love? Was it love? Was it the meaning of our feeling? Was it the actual definition of what we felt for each other?

Unconciously,
I pushed you away,
I created distance between us,
I created barrier,
The concrete wall between us.

I still remember the pain in your eyes,
I still remember your tears trickled down your cheeks,
I still remember the hurt in every inch of your face,
And I hated myself for it.

I hated that I won't be able to remove the pain like you did to me,
I hated that I can't wipe away your tears just like you did to me,
I hated myself because I had no choice but to hurt you.

I regretted everything I did to you, dream guy,
I regretted running away from you, leaving you behind,
I regretted not telling you how I feel for you,
And I regretted not being able to... love you.

Apologies from,

Your dream girl.

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- HEARTBREAKS -