Love

16. Karlek

Love is like a fire that melt the ice within you,
Love is like a storm that always leave you in destruction but you always carve for that destruction to happen again and again.
- @Adornia
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Dear dream guy,

As each day passed,
You made me even more confused with everything,
Will you stop?

As you glanced at me even for the slightest glance,
You made my heart beating at a crazy pace,
Will you stop?

When you were around,
My eyes always found their way towards you,
Will it stop?

When you talked to me,
I fought hard to conceal my feelings,
Will it stop?

As I started to accept the reality,
You came with that beautiful smile of yours,
Will you stop?

As I pretended as if the feelings weren't even there in the first place,
You laughed at my dumb jokes making my heart fluttered again,
Will you stop?

When I tried to keep a good distance from you,
Fate always had its way to bring you closer to me,
Will it stop?

When I was closer to you,
You felt so far away,
Maybe you were the one who kept your distance away from me,
Making me feel that stabbing pain in my heart,
Will it stop?

As I cried alone at the hallway,
You always there,
Making me feel as if you care,
Making me fall for you again,
Will you stop?

As I was feeling lonely,
You gave me that small smile that lift me up to the cloud, brightening my day,
Will you stop?

When I told my brain to hate you,
My heart told me to love you,
Will it stop?

When reality told me that you were just a dream,
My dream told me that you were a reality,
Will it stop?

Dream guy,
Please stop all these craziness,
Please stop giving me hopes when the chance wasn't even there for me and you,
Please stop destroying that thick wall I built surrounding my heart,
Please stop finding your way inside the maze leading to the key that can unlock it,
Please stop making me fall for you when I finally manage to stand up,
And, please stop making me... love you.

Confusion and plead from,

Your dream girl.

~~~

Folding back the letter, I couldn't help myself but wonder, letting myself once again losing completely to my thoughts. Silly, indeed. But it wasn't as if I had any other choices. Thinking about this was easier. In fact, indulging myself into useless thought like this helped me to divert my mind from the actual crisis I had to face back at home.

Yes, thinking about these... the letters.

What if one day he will get the chance to actually read any of them? By that time, will I be ready to accept this feeling?

Looking into one side of my logical part of mind, refusing to give in to this feeling was probably the best option to choose.

Just the thought of being hurt by someone you deeply in love with seemed to be the worst feeling one could experience. No one in this world deserved it. Sometimes, I told myself that it was just a crazy dreams and it was all just a coincidence. But, all the small gestures he did to me after always pulled me back to where it all started. My brain told me that he didn't even know me, but my heart will tell me the complete opposite.