We - Ourselves - Us

(2) Sin

Another school day. And it wasn't interesting. Sin was sitting by himself, doodling in his sketch book. He didn't like or dislike art. Mirja was the only other group member, and she was next to him, focusing on her drawing. They had an assessment at  the end of next month and, even though Sin was almost done, he still could do more to work on it. The theme was quite vague, which gave a lot of room for people to have different drawings. For instance, Mirja had drawn a landscape setting, with a dying tree in one corner and people underneath. Sin had done a grave, with a small child curled up beside, with the entire thing inside  of a bottle.  The purple haired teen wasn't proud, but it was always hard for him to be. Especially in recent years, and these last few days.

Sin was breaking down a lot more regularly, and he barely spoke to his friends. He barely spoke in general. He didn't want to be anything. He wanted to stay asleep forever. Even if he never spoke, his head was always screaming at him, 'Useless. Give up now. They only pity you.' And he believed it. He knew the words were true. There was not any hope left inside him.

The next day, Sin pulled in sick, claiming he had got a massive headache. And that was true. A lot of the time, he felt incredibly dizzy and occasionally like throwing up. He never did  though. He wanted to. He felt like that would get the badness out his head, even though he knew it didn't work like that. He was really down in the dumps.

Later, in the afternoon, Sin got a call from Asteroid. The two spoke for a while, and the words were slightly upsetting. I won't go into detail as it is their personal business, but in short, they confessed everything to each other. Neither knew how to comfort the other, but Asteroid agreed to come over after school. Those two were really close, and would always be there for the each other. All of the group were like this, but these two were like a platonic Mirja and Mariah.

Sin lay on his back, staring at the ceiling, listening to song lyrics.

"Have you ever felt like nobody was there?"

Was it normal to feel this way? Was he allowed to? Or was he worked up about nothing. The teenager put a hand over his heart, seeing if he could feel it beat.

"Have you ever felt forgotten in the middle of no where?"

What would everyone else think? Sin had always trusted them. And Asteroid had understood perfectly. But that was different. Asteroid understood everyone's problems. Maybe there was nothing special between them after all.

"Have you ever felt like you could disappear?"

Sin kicked his legs over the side of his bed and walked over to the window. He leaned on the windowsill and looked through the clean glass. He watched as birds flee by. They only had one care. To look after their families. And that was beautiful. So many people out there would never know the light of having people care. Sin put a hand on the window, and watched the world on the other side. He wanted to yell out and tell someone that he was lying. That he needed a friend that didn't know him. He wanted so much and that only made him feel worse. He wanted his pain to be over. And as he opened the window, he called out loudly, hoping someone would hear. He didn't care who, he just wanted to have his story known. He didn't want to be another faceless figure that history erased and left behind. He didn't want to be one of the billions that lay without family to care. He wanted to be like the birds, and have someone care for him, no matter what, no matter when. He just wanted at least someone to remember him. And not just someone from the group. He wanted someone that knew nothing of him, to remember this person that was so desperate. Sin called out to the worl below him. "Please, let me be found."