UNCONDITIONAL

THIRTY

'I can't breathe. Guys stop I can't breathe I need some air'

My mom and soon to be mother in law shout for everyone to stop.My sisters who were doing my makeup, my bridesmaids consisting of my sisters, and daughters who are chatting about the events ahead and hair stylist and friends,all stop to look at me. I am in tears and hyperventilating as I rush outside into the garden in my all white mermaid wedding gown.

As I sit on a green bench in the middle of the beautiful multi-colored rose garden. I reflect on everything that has transpired in the years since I met Percy. I look at my ring and smile as I remember that morning in Zanzibar when I woke with my hand feeling a little heavier. I actually thought it was numb till I saw the sparkle of the diamonds surrounding my left ring finger. I jumped out of bed and raced into the shower to her. She asked and I said yes.

I reminisced about the time,she met my kids and they instantly welcomed her and she just instantly fell inlove with them even before me. Their relationship has grown in the last 28 months and I was shocked at first when they started calling her pops. I had to have a family meeting to find out if she was comfortable with them calling her that. I remember when she first met my mother and siblings and they all liked her.

I reminisced about all the love letters she's written me and flowers she's sent because she once asked what I thought was romantic and I told her love letters because I had never received one before and flowers are a beautiful gesture to me. So every month I have gotten a handwritten letter and a bouquet of different flowers but mostly roses. I received one just yesterday. Saying that she may not be able to fix all my problems but she can promise that I will never ever have to face them alone.

I reminisced on the time she bought me a car just out of the blue and her reason was that the kids feel cramped up in my tiny car. I was so mad at her that day because I don't want her spending all her money on me. I work and I can take care of myself and my kids I told her. She was hurt and I had to do some real apologizing.

I subconsciously squeeze my thighs thinking about our sex life. It has been unpredictable and loving every minute of it. Even though I am not fully comfortable with oral and fingering. I always think what if I have infected her. She goes for 6 month check ups,to ease my mind she says.

'Khanyi!!'

'Put on a blindfold Percy,I don't want you seeing me in my dress.'

She is blind folded with her tie. I cannot believe she wore a red tie with a white suit. My bouquet is made up of red roses with white flowers,courtesy of Percy. I hold her hand and direct her back to the bench I was sitting on.

'Gimme a kiss'

She demands,standing on my tippy toes I pull her by her neck to my level and kiss her. I love her kisses. I can't believe at times that I tried to fight the feelings I had for her.

'What is bothering you my love?'

Why do I feel so giddy everytime she uses a pet name.

'Percy.... are you sure about this? Am I who you really want to marry. I mean there are so many beautiful,sexy,disease free women out there. Who would love to marry someone like you. I am no dating I wouldn't but I don't want you to wake up tomorrow and regret marrying me. I am scared,how are we going to have a normal life with me being positive'

There is a long pause before Percy speaks. There was anger evident in her voice.

'Khanyi have you ever noticed that you are the only one who is always bringing up your status. Khanyi if I was not sure of my decision,I wouldn't have asked you to marry me. Sure there is plenty of women to choose from out there but my love none of them are you. None of them can give me what you give me. None of them can make me feel the way you make me feel and I can never love any of them the way I love you. So stop stressing and let us get married.'

I have always thought that God had forgotten about me. I was starting to believe that maybe there was no God and I was praying to no one but today as I walk down this isle I believe that truly there is a God and She loves me too. Who would have thought I Khanyi after four kids with dead beat dads,after hiv and after all those failed relationships I would be standing infront of the love of my life saying 'I do'. Who would have thought after looking for love from all the wrong people and giving up on love for 3 years,love would find me. I once read a quote that said: one day you'll meet someone who will make you understand why it never worked out with anybody else. I never understood till today. Fairytales do come true, Amen.