Those 3 magical words which makes every girl happy - I am Sorry!!
Teacher: Where the hell is your math homework? Me: It committed suicide, had too many problems.
My life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and It’s just me laughing at my own jokes!
What did zero say to eight? Nice belt!
Teacher: Did your father help you with your homework? Kid: No, he did it all by himself.
Lecturer: Why are you looking at those monkeys outside when I am in the class?
Dear future kids of mine , If I find weed in your room , I will take that shit , and I will smoke it.
I hate it when they’re talking and gum falls out of their mouth.
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Once, a father of a teenage daughter was concerned because his daughter spend too much time on phone; and nobody else in house could use the that line. So, he got a solution, he had a new telephone line installed for her. Two or three days after her telephone had been installed, he came home to find her stretched out on the floor with her feet on the living room couch and chatting away on the family telephone.Her own telephone was resting silently on her dresser. "Why are you using our telephone," he yelled. "Why aren't you talking on your own telephone?" "I can't," she said, "I'm expecting an important call on my phone."
