Warmth (Cheer Legacy Trilogy #1)

13.

I look at him, confused. Everything is moving so slowly. "Uh...I mean he takes care of me?"

Jesse gives me a frustration look. "Explain," he says through gritted teeth. 

I stand up, excited. I'm happy to talk about Luke. He's a good guy. "He's really good to me, like he knows what I need, when I need it, and he makes me laugh when I'm depressed, and he always comes running to me no matter who he's with," I nod in appreciation. "Yeah, he makes me feel like I exist, especially since my dad doesn't give two shits about me."

All the while I watch in confusion as Jesse's face gets paler and paler. He's so handsome, even a pale face can't mar that beauty. "Depressed?"

I shrug. "Yeah, I mean, I get depressed sometimes. Mostly because of you."

Jesse blinks back what looks like tears.

"But he's sometimes annoying," I laugh. "Luke is like, awesome. I don't think I'll ever find a better friend."

Jesse's face is white as a sheet now. "Do you love him?"

I nod enthusiastically. "Of course! He's family! Well, family that I don't mind kissing, but family. Dependable," I nod again. 

"You kissed him?" Jesse's voice is a whisper now. I peer at him, worried now. He doesn't look quite right. 

"Yeah, I mean, I always feel like kissing someone when I get..." I look around the darkness, lean into Jesse's ear and whisper. "stoned. Shhh," I giggle. "No one must know."

Jesse is shaking uncontrollably. Rolls and rolls of shudders. I look up and press a hand to his forehead. Fever?

He shoves me into a wall and kisses me. I melt into him immediately. His familiar heat and comforting warmth...that hasn't changed. His hands slide down my back until he reaches my butt, then he grabs it hard enough for me to gasp but not hard enough to hurt. He uses that grip to lift me against the wall, and I wrap my legs around his waist automatically. 

"Then what about me?" he demands between kisses. His lips light a trail of fire down my throat, and I can't stop the moans that rip from my throat. I'm going crazy, I think.

"You?" I gasp.

"Yes," he presses his body to me so that I'm trapped between him and the wall, and he releases one hand from my butt to squeeze my boob. I arch in response. He's never been this rough with me before, and it's turning me on. Well, anything about him generally turns me on, but it's different this time. Raw. I'm panting and gasping, trying to string sentences together to answer him.

"You're the biggest pain in my butt," I gasp as his mouth returns to mine and he plunders into it. "You hurt me all the time, you hurt me when you're not with me."

His hips push hard against me and I gasp again. My hips start moving on their own, I have no control anymore. "You are the worst person ever because you make promises you don't keep. But by god!" I grab his shoulders and look into those shocking cobalt blues. "I love you like hell will freeze over if I stop. You scare me because I love you so much. I'm tired of being invisible to people who supposedly care about me."

His mouth is hot and urgent against my own, and we're gripping each other so hard I'm sure we'll bruise. But Jesse takes a massive breath and tries to calm down. "Fucking hell," he breathes desperately. "Fucking hell."

I need him. I need him so badly. I know I'll forgive him if he'd just ask. "Do you really want me? I always feel like you don't care enough about me when...when you pick someone else over me, to do whatever with."

Jesse snorts. He actually snorts. "Are you asking me if I want you?" He pushes his hips against me so I can feel how hard he is. 

I shake my head. "No, I mean in the way that matters, not just this. Do you want me as a person?"