The Three Perfections

Ch 3: Apologies and Confessions

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.   ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry'

Chapter Three:  Apologies and Confessions

Sitting on the stream bank, listening to its quiet current, I am filled with sorrow and regret.  I am deeply disappointed in myself for having allowed my emotions from earlier in the day, to affect my behavior towards Abram.

I can't help but think about my father, and the way he had acted this morning. I had lashed out at Abram, just like my father had lashed out at me. I don’t want to be like my father, but perhaps I don't have a choice? Maybe I can't avoid becoming the same person he is? Maybe it is my destiny; a destiny I can't escape?

This morning I vowed that no matter what, I would do what felt right in my heart, and treating Abram the way I had, felt very wrong. I realize that the only way I can escape becoming like my father is to keep this vow. I refuse to believe that I can't shape my own destiny.

I know that I can’t change the past.  I can’t take back what I said to Abram any more than I can go back in time and prevent Keane from being taken from me.  But what I can do is to ask for Abram’s forgiveness, and try to mend our friendship. 

I stand with a new feeling of determination. I will find Abram at the Centenary and I will make things right. I stride purposefully out of the woods, already beginning to plan out what I will say to Abram when I find him. I just hope that he can forgive me.

I return home to clean up before heading to the Centenary, and I am relieved to find that my parents have already left for the celebration.  I heat several large pots of water on the iron stove in the kitchen, and carry them one at a time across the hall to the washroom, spilling some water on the floor in the process.  I am glad that my Mother is not home to see the mess.  I add the hot water to the cast iron tub, until it has taken the chill out of the cold water already inside.  

When it is warm enough, I soak in the water for a while, my eyes closed and my mind elsewhere.  After washing my hair, and scrubbing myself clean with the soap my mother made, I dry off and gather some clothes worthy of the Centenary.  

I pull the simple sundress up over my small shoulders, and brush out my long hair.  My mother made the dress for me last year from a pretty red fabric with a subtle black floral design.  She had traded soaps, baskets, and preserves in order to purchase the fabric for the dress, and had surprised me with it on my birthday.  It is the finest dress I own, and I wore it to the Centenary last year.  I wish I had a new dress to wear this year, but I don't, so I will just have to be thankful that I even own a dress fit for the Centenary.  

Standing in front of the small mirror in the washroom, the only mirror in our home, I study the image that peers back at me. My face is plain and thin, framed by my long dark hair, still damp from my bath. I can only see myself from the shoulders up, so I can only guess what the rest of me must look like. Probably frail and ordinary, just like my face. 

I gather my hair into a loose pony tail, and decide that it doesn't matter what I look like.  The only thing that matters, is that I make things right with Abram. I slip my feet into my favorite pair of worn leather sandals, and pack a small canvas shoulder bag with a change of clothes for later this evening when the temperature drops.  I don't want to be walking home in a sundress, when the chill of evening is in the air.              

The Centenary marks the beginning of the official training period that takes place prior to the Petalisms. First year entries, and returning Seekers, are sent to stay and train in Castra Aleria, one of the Provinces surrounding Tamil, for a couple of weeks prior to the beginning of the Petalisms. The Centenary is a farewell celebration that is held to honor those who will be leaving for training in a few days. The southern-most section of Tamil, where I live, holds the Centenary in a large outdoor park.