Legitimately Us ||H.S||

Chapter 23

"Jayde,

I know I have been annoying. I know I haven't stopped trying to get a hold of you for a few days and I know you keep denying my calls as if talking to me will give you the plague. I didn't want to tell you this through words on a screen and I can only hope that you are still reading my blog posts. I wish there was a way I could know that everything I want to say to you is getting to you. If not, I'm hoping one day you will wonder what I've been writing and take a peek and just understand everything. 

I flew to England to see my dad. I know you know this because my mom told me she talked to you. Boy, was she mad I lied to her about us talking again. I did it, because I didn't want her to bother you. Sounds ridiculous, I know. But I know you needed some space, and I knew she wouldn't give it to you if she didn't think you were okay. I lied. She's mad. That's okay. It gave you more time to breathe. That's what you wanted, right?

Since I've come to my dad's, everything changed. Forgiving someone that's hurt me was a breakthrough I needed. I feel like all the weight that was resting on my shoulders is gone. I've been here a week already, my dad and I have been making amends since the day I got here. It's been so good to just listen to all he's had to say and be able to say everything I should have said so long ago to him. It's been so good, I'm glad I came here and I'm going to go back home for a few days before I head off to New York.

Yes, I'm still going to Columbia, and I still want you to come with me.

I have been trying to figure out the best way possible to tell you what I've realized. I wanted to call you because I know I can't stand right in front of you and see your face. I wanted to see your reaction to this truth, and I know that no matter what, you wouldn't let me, even if I tried. I can't even get you to pick up the phone to hear me out. And this is something I refuse to text you. 

I'm shaking as I write this. My heart is pounding. I'm nervous, Jayde. Because I don't think you're going to believe a damn word I write here. And it's painful knowing how much shit we've been through and it was all for nothing. We could still be happy together. We could still be together right now, going off to Uni together. 

It's always been this thing. If I didn't go to that party, we would be okay. And yes, that's still the same. If I didn't go to that damn party, we would be fine. But it's more than that now. If I didn't play Maddy the way I did because I liked the attention she gave me, and if I didn't make a fool out of her with the whole switcheroo thing or with prom, if I didn't do one bad thing to her, we would be fine. This all still falls back on me, I'm still the cause of all this shit that happened. 

But I've learned that I'm not the one who hurt you. Not even close.

If I didn't go to that party, I wouldn't have gotten drunk. If I had told you the truth about being Boy_Undiscovered, I never would have had that conversation with you and wouldn't have thought I wasn't good enough for you. That's why I got so drunk, Jayde. The thought of not being good enough for you was a battle with myself I didn't know how to win. I've never drank so much in my life at once. I didn't remember very much from that night, but I remember it now.

Not all of it. But most of it. I can see it more clearly now than I ever did before. And you need to know that I never slept with Maddy. Not twice. Not even once. I know what that video makes it look like. Trust me, I've watched it a thousand times, enough to believe it myself. And I did believe I had done the worst thing possible to you. I honestly believed I was drunk enough not to know better.

But I didn't. And I wouldn't. And I need you to believe every word I'm saying right now. I have loved you for so long. I may have never showed you in any of the right ways, but if there is one thing I know for certain, is that I love you and I always will.

Talk to Maddy. She'll tell you the truth, I swear. I swear on us, Jayde. On everything that we were, and everything that we will be in the future, I swear I never hurt you like we all thought I did. I should have known myself better. I should have realized sooner it was all a lie. Just promise me you'll talk to Maddy. Please.

Forever Yours,
Harry"

A/N: I didn't want to keep you waiting on what he wanted to tell her, so here's what he had to say. What's your thoughts?

And don't forget to press the star! 

Much Love,
amberlove
xo