Now or Never

Chapter 1

Welcome to my third Brooklyn and Bruno book!! Thank you to everyone sticking by and reading and giving me all the feedback and love! You guys are amazing and I am absolutely thankful for you guys. I hope you love this book just as much as the other two books! I got the first chapter jitters lol! Here is Now or Never!

Today is the third anniversary of mom's death and I'm taking it a lot harder each year than the last because it's also baby Kaya's third birthday and I will not or should I say can not be apart of it, once again. It's breezy and slightly chilly around this time of year and instead of looking for a present for Kaya, I am looking for my mom's favorite hibiscus flower at the store. They're fake, but it will only last longer than the real ones I put on her grave site every year. I start to feel myself choke a little bit as I trace my fingers along the flower petals. After I pay for the flowers, I take the long drive to her grave spot. I step outside my car in my heels crushing the small rocks beneath my feet before I walk to her fairly new gravesite as the grass is finally not patchy as it was before as I stand there alone with mom's flowers. I start to think of everything in my life that feels so empty without her. We lived in different states, thousands of miles away from each other, but everything is different. The earth looks different, feels different, the sun light is almost unbearable, the nights are darker, the rain falls harder, the air hits me funny and it irritates my skin. Everything was just right when she was here and she didn't have to be standing next to me for me to know that everything was perfect.

I clear my throat as I held the flowers in one hand as my other hand searched my purse. I pulled out mom's favorite scent of perfume that I designed myself for BEN's. We discontinued it after mom's death, but I still have one small bottle left. I sprayed the flowers that now smelled exactly like her. I swallow hard as I stared at her name. "Evelyn Beverly Solis 1960 - 2013 - Loving mother, friend and nurse." Her picture engraved into the stone and she was stunning.

I felt my lip trembling as I reminisce our last conversation together on the phone and how excited she was to see me. I felt a tear slip as I heard her voice in my head, the last words I heard her say and it was that she loved me. I smile as I look at her grave and grabbed my necklace that carried a pinch of her ashes in it. I took a deep breath as more tears began to stream down my cheeks. I take a few steps forward before kneeling down to place her own scented flowers next to her beautiful picture and smile at her. The more I look at her, the harder I fight my cry and try to laugh it off, just like she would have told me to do. "Hi mommy." I try and speak as my voice trembles. I take a breath to calm myself before I try and speak again, "I thought maybe this time I could bring you flowers that will last longer than the real thing." I try and fix them to sit next to her picture perfectly. "I know how much you love your flowers, so I wanted to make sure you always have them right here next to you to see all the time." I took a deeper breath to calm my nerves, because deep down I feel like she can still hear me, so I don't want to mess up anything I say when I visit. "I miss you. The store is doing absolutely great, better than I could ever imagine. I know I have you to thank because you raised me to be strong, no matter what." My nose is beginning to burn from fighting my sob, but it slips, I let my cry out, "Mom, I don't know how to do this without you but I'm scared. I'm scared that I'm loosing him, and I could desperately use your advice right now." I reach into my pocket to wipe my nose, "Dad thought it was a sign the day you left us, that Peter was no good. We can't even enjoy the holidays together and Hilda and I are sad that Dad fights with him."

I take a deep breath as I felt my phone vibrating. I wipe my nose again before looking at my phone and see Peter's text, "Oh man baby, I'm so sorry! I completely forgot what day it was today. It's just Kaya's birthday-"

I stopped reading the text and put my phone back into my pocket. I didn't want to know what his explanation was, I just wanted my boyfriend to be here for me just for one hour to get the flowers and drive to see mom. I even planned this early in the day so he could have the rest of the day with his daughter.