Stigma

My Dependency #NoIndependentWomanRoundHere

"Without Christ, I'm truly a mess" ,

Without Christ, I'm the most self centred person there is, not the overly confident kind,

but rather the one,
who confidently finds comfort in recognising everything that is wrong with oneself,

wallowing in self pity and brokenness, masking pain as a reason to want more attention to numb my own insecurity,

I mean if I'm brutally honest, without Christ, I am the most lustful person, unable to define self control by the actions in my life without Christ,

if only you knew my dreams, my subconscious thoughts, you would see the mess and vile state of my heart,

so my dependency on Christ ,

isn't for show, or for a subsection of a milestone,

or for a moment,

my dependency on Christ is eternal,

it changes the monster who is my soul's beat, my heart,

He transforms my heart,

Now I have deep affections towards those who may not even think about me,

now I'm drawn to love people even more,

Even the ones who reject me, I can't seem to let go, and shake them off, because the deep love Christ has for them, I too have them,

You see Christ, He is synchronising my heart, to his beat,

divine intervention, transforming my mindset, because of my dependency of Him.

Without Christ, I am hopeless, willing to take my life at the drop of a pin, binge eating on the world's futility yet never feeling filled,

so my dependency on Christ is not because I am in need of a hobby,

it is the fact that without Christ, I am a dead woman walking,

I genuinely do not see a reason to live, my dependency on Christ gives me something to live for, my dependency on Christ fills this emptiness that can not be subdued by anything in this world,
Christ gives me life.

My tendency to be emotionally led, is why I need Christ, I overreact in pain, I overreact in rejection, I overreact when things seem hopeless, the wrath of my pain, consumes the victims who may innocently be within its vicinity .

My dependency on Christ, gives me a clear perspective on the gospel,

Gives me a heart that treasures mercy,

teaches me to love through pain, to trust in his promises, to love my enemies, to do good to those who persecute me, to see the best in others, but to do everything as if heaven is my audience but to be honest, I kinda do things to please Him,

Him who I'm dependent on, you see my dependency on Christ, surpasses religion, my dependency on Christ, teaches me to give him, my restless heart, to submit to the one who knows better, and wants better, to the one who breaks the chains of bondage in my life, to transform my reckless thoughts to appreciate his grace and mercy.

"So lord awake my soul to the hope you are, your grace is all I need"