Melancholy & Memories; Ongniel

VII. I'm Sorry

Fast forward five years later, here I am in the same elevator where Daniel and I shared scads of blithe memories, but ironically, I'm feeling nothing but dread. The mirrors that surround me no longer looked shiny and reflective. They were splotched with black spots and fingerprints, bearing cracks in some areas. On my way up, moments Daniel and I spent here flashed through my head; him interlocking his fingers with mine, his little pecks on my forehead that could make me feel all warm inside even in the coldest of nights, his sneaky hugs from behind that would startle me but not the slightest bit would make me uncomfortable, all which I thought I'd never have to give up. The elevator door opened and I found myself having difficulties stepping out. I could just turn back, go home, forget about ever doing this and let our fairytale go on forever, but no, I can't do this to Daniel anymore. I can't.

I hesitantly stepped out of the elevator, dragging my feet through the empty corridor, right outside his door. I raised my hand that felt as heavy as rocks and slammed it against the wooden door. Shit, I thought to myself, I knocked way too hard. I knocked on the door again but this time with much less force.

"Who is it?" Daniel asked as he opened the door.

As soon as I saw his untroubled face, I couldn't help but smile. Behind that smile, the only thing I could think of was I'm sorry Daniel, I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I am the reason you'll end up losing that amazing smile of yours, I'm truly sorry. Seeing me standing there unannounced, Daniel grinned from ear to ear, revealing his adorable bunny teeth. I couldn't hold it in any longer. I ran to him and wrapped my arms around him. Tears dropped one by one as I hugged him. I told myself I wouldn't shed a tear at all, obviously failing. 

"Seongwu-ah, has it been that long since you saw me? Why are you sad? I'm here, aren't I?" he says trying to comfort me. I hugged him even tighter.

Being only 1cm shorter than Daniel, his shoulder was perfect to cry on. I held onto him and laid my head on his shoulder for awhile as he just stood there, not saying anything. I could tell he was worried, never have I randomly showed up outside his door and began tearing, but he didn't know what to do or say. He lifted my head off his shoulder and held my hand, pulling me to the couch. We just sat there in silence as I laid my head on his shoulder once again. He placed his arm around me, snuggling.

"Daniel, I'm sorry," I managed to mutter.

"Shhhhh, there's nothing to be sorry for," he says reassuring me.

I wish there wasn't.