The Gray Case

twenty-seven

It is a familiar storm—same sound, same ferocity, same impact but different energy. Alexander shuts down as the earth underneath him seems like it's trembling and like this, he has a flashback of a moment he has lived years back; he feels lone and desolate just like that time death came knocking on his mother's door.

Earlier, he came in running—eyes wide and irregular in breathing. Images of what must've happened run through his mind, uncertain but still heavy, still hunting. On his skin, he felt the stares of those who didn't know better, the eyes of those who just saw crazy eyes, red-tainted cheeks and pulsing veins studded in his skin, boiling blood and rising temper.

Now, he sits. Hours have passed but the rain still pours. His fingers are intertwined into one another, his hands are tightly clasped in between his legs as he keeps his head low, his eyes hooded and his mouth shut.

The door to the room his father is in swings open and Margaret comes out, composed as she always tries to be. Her rosy lips quiver ever so slightly as her gaze travels somewhere so far it can't reach Alexander's. He still is able to see the gloss in her eyes, the pain and the remorse of something vague.

"Go see him, Alex. He said he wants to talk to you and I know you do, too." She tucks her hair behind her ear and then she's quiet. Her heels click and echo through the hall until she is still, blank-faced as she stands next to Ryan who hasn't spoken a word since he's been here.

There's no transparency in the space between them. Nobody has had the courage to say more than it's needed. The doctors said he's fine, he's okay but they—the rest of them—aren't. Not after what happened, not after what they know, after what they were told.

Alexander stands up. On his way to the door he receives a pat on the shoulder by Anthony and a silent nod by the bodyguard who stands just a few steps away from the door.

Then, a step in and he sees him. He's laying on the hospital's bed, covered in white sheets, eyes mid-closed but gaze more present than ever. Mark tilts his head to the side in which he can see his son better. He looks at him as he stands there, silent but with deranged rainstorms in him.

"Alex," he says; voice faint. He's paler than usual and on his face are recognized traces of exhaustion he tries to not give away.

"Dad, are you okay? Do you need anything?" The stillness of before transforms into rush at the sight of his father's face and it sinks in—his father is alive and his heart is still beating.

He looks at Mark that shakes his head slowly and waits, still standing, for the rainstorm to come to an end. "Come, sit down."

Mark gestures for him to sit on the chair next to his bed. His voice speaks in whispers, his words are drowned in drowsy ink.

"What happened exactly?" Alexander asks, sitting on a chair, next to him. He doesn't fully know yet. His dad went alone, where? He doesn't know. The question is the product of doubt, confusion and fear of all that's not known. And right when it comes out of his mouth, some feeling arrests every single one of his dad's movements, leaving him with his eyes closed for a time that seems infinite.

He breathes out bits of tormented soul and when Alexander gets to look at him again directly in the eye, he can see just now pieces of lost hope.

"Not now, please. Not now," he says. He blinks and he wishes for his dark memories to be gone, to be sucked out of all the shadows that live and hide in the corners of his being, to be freed of all the pitch black holes that have been digging in his flesh and since then, have never left.

But over the years he has learned that life has to be lived with shadows before seeing the light and looking at his son, he sees that.

"I don't want you to be scared. I don't want you to constantly feel afraid because of me. If I am still alive now it's just because now isn't my time. But I want you to be aware, to be prepared, to know that life can go as fast as it comes. This is not just for me, this is for you, too. For everyone. Cherish every single moment you have, Alex... You don't know when it will all end."