The Best Days (ON HOLD)

CH 19: Shut out

 

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"I'm sorry." The nurse said with a frown and walked down the hall, leaving us speechless. We had just arrived and we couldn't make it in time to say goodbye. Hope held her head in her hands as she cried. Her breath was trembling, her hair falling over her shoulder, her eyes shut tight. I draped my arm over her shoulder and pulled her closer to me.

Louis and Niall were sitting on the other end of the bench next to her step-dad, Chris.

"No." She said. I kissed her temple and rubbed her arm. "Let go." She said, bending over further. I won't let her go. She thought she wanted to be alone but that's what we all think but in reality we need a soft hand to corress us and shut our eyes and help us escape what has been done to us. I donate my hands to her better being. No, I won't let her go. (A.N. Man! Harry quotes in here are just the best)

"Should we go now?" Niall asked soberly. I nodded and they got up, leaving for my car. I brushed the tip of my nose over her temple and planted a kiss on her cheekbone.

"Is there anything I can do?" I asked, gaining her eye contact. Her eyes were dull and lifeless. She looked as if someone had taken away the Hope I knew and gave me a depressed, gloomy figure of her.

"No." She said. Chris got up and left for the bathroom, he was crying as well. I brushed my nose against hers and shut my eyes, a few tears escaping. "You have such a big heart Harry." She smiled, turning her attention to the tile floor. I pressed my lips down on hers and she briskly tilted her head away, now facing the wall, refusing my kiss.

"Would you like to leave?" I asked, trying to get her attention. I kissed her next to her eye. "Would you like that?" I whispered.

"Yes." She got up, wiping her eyes, only for more tears to fall. "I would like that." I was going to grab her hand but it snapped up and rubbed her opposite arm as she began to walk away.

"Don't do this to yourself Hope." I called after her and caught up with her.

"I'm not doing anything. Or maybe my life should lay low for a bit. PJ died, then you came in with your love parade and then my mother dies. I'm not doing anything but reacting. Reacting to life. And do you know what life is? Life is pain and stress and hurt until you die, just so you can sit naked on clouds with halos and ignore what life has done to you. I'm not doing anything." She snapped and walked faster. I grabbed her wrists and pulled her to me.

"Hope, please don't do this. I know you've lost the two closest people you had within the course of one year but don't do this. I love you and I want to see you smile. I want to bring you out of the darkness and into the light. Just today I told you what love is to me and don't take my words lightly Hope. I mean everything I say and when I say I love you. I mean it. Don't shut me out, don't tell me no." She continued to cry. "Please." I'm sure I had put her in an abashed state, I was also sure I had scared her. I didn't mean to.

She wrapped her arms around my torso and held tightly. I embraced her as well. My hands held the back of her head and neck, stroking her hair.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." I whispered. A doctor came out and gave us a confused look. I mouthed: 'Go.' to him and he scurried away. "Come on." I took her hand and lead her outside.

"Thanks." She said softly. I gave her a tight squeeze and invited her in my car.

 

____HOPE'S POV___

I climbed in his car and turned to face the window. I didn't mean to snap at Harry like that. Everything has gone so wrong in my life and I'm not going to throw it at the only light in my life. I didn't want to say anything.

See, when I'm hurt or upset I'll shut everything out, run away, refuse and look at everything with a negative outlook. Harry always saw the bright-side and I wish someday he might feel hurt  like I did, like I do. But he's specail. If there is a God, he favors him more than I. He's rich, handsome, popular, kind and never knew what it means to cry out in anger. Look at me, I woke up with a perfectly amazing mum and I'll go to bed knowing that she's dead, like PJ, and I'm gonna have to be a big girl and suck it up. Along with responsability, age, relationships, and fans.

Fans just love to make a bad day worse. Period. They all hate me. Sure I have a fandom but they don't understand, they don't know. And ten years from now, I'll mean nothing to them. Same with Harry's fans. We're just entertainment for the lonely, confused 12 year old girls that have nothing better to do than eat Ho-ho's and watch "What Makes You Beautiful" on their Hello Kitty ipods.

"We're here. Want me to walk you in?" Harry asked and parked next to my car in my apartment parking lot.

"No thanks." I got out of the car and before I could shut the door...

"No kiss for me?" Harry smiled. I smiled and bent in and gave him a quick kiss. "ThankS. I love you."

"Bye."

"Goodbye." I shut the car door and walked up to the apartment entry. My phone rang with Emmie's tone of "Porno" by Arcade Fire. I turned on my answering machine so all she received was "Hello, you've reached Hope Ralston and I'm sorry I can't pick up right now so leave your number and I'll call you back in a jiffy. Have a lovely day! Bye!"

I continued through the doors and stepped into the hallway. The walk isn't usually long but today it seemed minutes long. I think too deep and hard but today was a perfect excuse for that.

I shoved my way into my apartment, slamming the door behind me and throwing my coat and phone onto the floor. I ran into my bedroom (slamming that door again of course) and lied down on my queen sized bed that was made for two, however only one occupies it.

There I sobbed until I fell asleep. I had no dream, just a flash of black and when I woke up again it was 8:36 P.M. and my stomach being the pesky thing it is, begged for food. I refused to leave my bed though. I wanted to talk to someone but my phone was on the carpet in the entryway.

As long as I'm alive I won't leave this bed. Harry won't come. No one will notice.