Book of Vents

Worse than Death (Trigger Warning)

(A/N: There are suggestive themes within this short-long story. Abuse of alcohol and self-harm are within, but there is a warning beforehand. If you are sensitive to this type of content, skip over until you reach "---End of Trigger---". Also note that this is a work of fiction and none of these events are of personal experience. Thank you.)

We were always told that we were the perfect couple. We knew that we were perfect for each other. High school couple, and together for 3 years... until the incident. It's been 3 months since it happened, and I have never forgotten a thing from that day.

I still blame myself for being at the wrong place, at the wrong time with him. He always said he'd take a bullet for me if something like that were to happen... and I guess that's exactly what he did. I guess it's better since he won't have to deal with the pain I'm living with...

With little effort I grab a large bottle, and I drag my feet to the kitchen table, using a bottle opener. I then drag my feet to my bedroom and I sit on the bed, slouching.

---Trigger Warning: Alcohol Abuse---

Dark bags hung underneath my eyes. The bright color that used to shine within the iris's are now dark with sadness and major depression. I bring the bottle of wine to my lips, and I chugged down half of it before stopping and breathing heavily.

I look down at my scarred and bleeding arms, sighing loudly and closing my eyes. Moments later images of when I was happily sleeping next to him, and then the horrid image of that night fills my mind and I shoot my eyes open.

"Fucking damnit.. why did that have to happen?" I whispered softly, angrily and sadly, tears stinging my eyes.

---Trigger Warning: Self Harm---

I then chugged the rest of the alcohol, wiping my mouth with the sleeve of my jacket. I then screamed sadly and angrily, bringing the empty bottle above my head before smashing it into my left shoulder and bicep with all my strength. The bottle breaks into many pieces, most getting lodged into my arm and abdomen. I throw the neck of the bottle, which didn't smash into prices, into the wall where it called into a small pile of other bottles that had been thrown before.

Tears were flowing down my cheeks, and I leaned onto my legs, holding my face in my hands as I cried and wailed, still in deep denial from the tragic death of my significant other. My arm bleeding and dripping in blood from the bottle, the pain was minimal due to the alcohol and since the emotional pain was far worse than any physical pain.

I soon got dizzy, my eyes were blurred from the tears and alcohol. A headache from crying and from alcohol poisoning beginning to set in. I breathed heavily, looking at the glass shards in my arm. I raised my right hand and dragged the largest piece down my arm before swiftly pulling it from my arm. Large amounts of blood flowed out of my arm, slowly going down it.
I got a bit lightheaded, but the burning caused from the large wound was a feeling that had become addictive, called for more. I smiled sadly as I did it again to the majority of the glass shards. I fell into my bed, on my back.
I laughed a bit, sluggishly reaching to a shard in my side, and dragged it sharply and briskly across my chest a bit. I felt the blood trickle out of the new wound, down my stomach slowly. I heard my door being knocked on, but it was muffled. My eyes started to flutter, I heard his voice.

---End of Trigger: Self Harm---
---End of Trigger: Alcohol Abuse---

"It's not your time... It's hurt me to see you do this to yourself just because I'm gone..."