Book of Vents

Diabetes: The Fight of a Neverending Pain

(I know the pain you feel.. I have type one diabetes. Those of you with type two, I know you have a similar if not equal pain. We will all get through this, even though I know that most of us have felt that the pain won't ever come to end, it will. There will be a day when we can eat cake and eat candy when we won't worry about spiking sugars and dropping lows. Hang in there, we can make it through this. PM if you need a vent, I'm here to listen, and I'll be happy to help in any way I can. Diabetes and non-diabetic related stuff. Okay, back to the vent write!)

I pinched a small area of my flabby stomach and took a deep breathe before bringing my hand towards my pinched skin. I hesitate, the needle not even a centimeter away from my skin. I sigh and scrunch up my face in irritation and jab the painful needle into my skin. I bite my teeth together to stop any whimpers or cries of pain from escaping my mouth. My thumb pressed into the little button on the end of my insulin pen as the insulin is injected into my system.

Tears sting at my eyes, I grab my pants and hold onto it tightly in a fist. The cold burning of the Lantis spreads into my flesh.

I pull the needle from my stomach as soon as I am able, I accidentally let out a small squeak as the needle leaves my skin. I look down, tears dripping down my cheek into the floor. I use my shirt and wipe away the small dot of clear liquid that's protruding from a small hole.

I clinch my teeth together again, the insulin site being extremely sore. I unattach the small needle and throw it into the sharps container, after which I put the cap on the pen and toss it back o to the counter.

Ignoring the burning pain from my side, I unenthusiastically climb into my bed and curl up into a small ball and squeeze my eyes shut. I hug my legs closer to me as I try to convince myself it's not real. But to no avail, I whimper and tears flow from my eyes again.

For five years now... I've been dependent on the painful needles of injections. Without it, I'd go into diabetic kenoaliosis (not spelling it right probably, but basically it's something that type one diabetes get when blood sugar gets so high, due to not taking 24 hour insulin. Most common is Lantis and something else, which I am unfamiliar with. Anyway, its something that gets to the point of getting super sick and needing hospitalization to treat it) the third time...

I start to shake violently, denial again setting in. I want so badly to be free of this fucking horrible disease... but it's just not possible yet... is this fight even goddamn worth this pain? It's gonna just be an endless, relentless, painful, and worthless battle... by fight it?

I slowly fall asleep, dreaming of the day when the burden of testing sugars, taking 24 hour and quick-acting insulin, checking carbs, constant doctor's visits, and not eating sweets... when those burdens finally were lifted...