Everything, Joey

4

Anxiety. The worst feeling ever. Crying so much that I can't breathe, next minute getting mad hitting the wall. Having panic attacks over silly things.
No, but this wasn't a silly thing. Joey doesn't deserve to be treated like this.
I wish I could hold him in my arms, I wish I could tell him it's going to be okay, I wish I could kiss his soft lips making me feel protected. None of this is ever going to happen though is it?
My mom walks in and sits on my bed watching me walk left to right to left worrying about Joey, worrying about what's going to happen to us.
' Maya why do you care so much about this boy' she asks frowning.
' mom how did you feel about Dad when you first met him' I say folding my arms , tear stains still on my cheeks.
' he was an amazing guy Maya, he would do anything for us, for you ' she says looking at the wall.
' mom why would you,' my voice cracks ' let me be happy' tears flow into my eyes , my stomach hurts so bad from crying.
' Maya I want you to be safe. If you go outside in that world you will die. I can loose you, please ' she whispers standing up.
I shake my head trying to hold the tears in and look away.
' you are not seeing that boy anymore ' she gets up frustrated and walks to my door. ' at least I saw him twice' I mumble. Shit I wasn't meant to say that out loud.
She stops and looks over her shoulder confused.
It's like a calm before the storm.
She goes downstairs and carries on with her cleaning or whatever.
I throw myself on the bed and stare at the ceiling. Joey. Joey. Joey.
His name, his eyes , his lips, His hair, his smile. His god damn smile. I tear up.
I can't help myself from crying I love him too much.
My phone goes off from five text messages.
I unlock my phone to see 5 messages , 2 miss calls from Joey.
I smile a lil and go into our messages.
Joey- messages
Joey: Maya!?
Joey: Maya are you alright?
Joey: please answer
Joey: mayaaaaa
Joey: I love you
Me: Joey Joey I'm fine
Joey: THANK GOD
me: but you love me?
Joey: yes I do
Joey: a lot actually
*
I couldn't be any happier.
*
Maya: I love you too
Joey: please come to the window I miss your beautiful face
*
I get up and walk to the window and wait for him to pop up.
He comes to the window with a marker and smiles.
What is he doing?
I watch as he writes carefully , concentrating on his words.
" I love you " is what he writes on the window.
I smile.
He blows a kiss and I pretend to catch it.
What a dork.
-
I wake up next day to shouting, what the heck?
I carefully get up slipping on some socks and carefully go downstairs.
It's my mom and Kate.
' you brought the boy into MY house !?' She yells at her.
' I-I was doing it for Maya, she needed to see him' she says shaken up.
I run over. ' mom it's not her fault it's mine I asked her to ' I say quickly.
' well she shouldn't of listened should she?' She says folding her arms.
' don't blame her mom blame me!!' I say raising my voice.
' Kate I think it's time you leave, your work here is done' she says not looking at her.
I look my mom in the eye furious. ' I love Kate , mom don't do this!' I yell.
' Kate leave now' she raises her voice. I turn to Kate tearing up, she tears up also.
Why mom why!!! She's amazing , she does everything for me.
I wish she was my mom.
I hug Kate tight and cry, I don't stop crying. She meant so much to me, she got me, she was there for me.
Kate gets her stuff and leaves 'I love you maya' she says before leaving.
I glare and my mom wiping my tears and run upstairs.
I lay there staring at wall thoughts running through my head. I can't deal with my mom being too overprotective I'm sick of living in this plastic bubble where I can live my life and be happy. Have my own kids, go to school, have friends.
No never . Never going to happen. I wish I was normal. I wish I didn't have this stupid disease I-
My mom walks in.
I don't look at her, I don't want to.
' I'm sorry ' she says sitting on my bed.
' Why mom , why can't you let me have a life' I say looking out the window.
' Maya I cannot loose you, youre all I have ' she says. I understand she's protective of me but I just want to live a life.
I shake my head and keep looking out the window, I don't know what to say.
She gets up and walks out, I just sit thinking.
No not about life, about what life would be like.
-
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I'm so sorry I didn't update school has been stressing me out :/ - ella