How to Start a Fire

CH10 [Deals and Other Casualties]

As I emptied my fifth cup of coffee for that night I felt awfully lonely. Mamoru had been spending the last couple of nights out, usually with Sasha or Isamu. Millicent had been in her room for quite a lot of time already and the only person who kept checking on me was Elise, but she just made things even more depressing. She would tell us that Selem wouldn't die in jail anyways so we would eventually get him out of there again one day... but this implied that he would have to stay there for a lot of time.

After spending half of the first night trying to get into his laptop I decided to ask him. It had been quite a procedure to get to talk to him, but afterwards I was glad I did because I would never have guessed the random combination of numbers and letters he took for it.

The files on the computer were a mess. The only thing I could do was sorting them by the date of their last change and read them, but Selem seemed to have a habit of re-opening files because I would sometimes find files that appeared unopened for 50 years by then but the date of the last change was only recently. It was exhausting and frustrating.

Someone knocked against the door.

"Yes?" I said, rubbing my face. I heard the door open.

"Everything okay in here?" It was Millicent. I turned around and looked up at her.

"Yeah, I'm okay, just exhausted." I responded, brushing my hair back.

"Of course dear... seriously, you look blowzed." She reached out and started tying my hair back with the hair tie she was wearing around her wrist. "You should take a break. He's not running away."

"I know, but I don't want him to be in there for longer than he has to." I explained, scratching my neck a little.

"We knew this was going to happen." She said, sitting down on the office chair next to mine. "It was only a matter of time, we already talked about it back when he started working with me."

I squinted. "What do you mean?"

She sighed loudly. "They already wanted to lock him up in special cells back then. When they caught him he was super over-fed and... behaved weirdly. He would constantly make snarky remarks towards all the white people about privilege and ask them how they would feel in... certain situations... of course nobody took it too well, I had to save his ass multiple times before they let him stay. But I always liked him. Selem is special."

"I don't get why he didn't leave when he found out about the accusations." I said, turning back to the computer.

"...That's exactly what makes him special. He didn't want to run away because he knows what he did back then was wrong. For all these years he didn't feel punished for all of it. I... remember when they got him on the diet... unlike you or Aleksander or Mamoru he didn't get used to it right after he rose, his body was still used to consuming way too much, I... still remember how awful that is... But he would tell me awful things that were on his mind. Selem is fighting with way more than you might imagine, and maybe he gets the free time to think about everything while he's locked up." She looked way too accepting talking about this.

"I don't care what he thinks or what's up with him, I just want him to get out of there!" I said, really not understanding her point.

"Nelly, I just tried to explain to you that he's okay in there. He's alright. And maybe it's even good for him to be in there now. Maybe you should ask him before you decide about his fate." I didn't like her tone of voice. It sounded like she was trying to tell me I was being rude by trying to help him.

"How can he be okay in there?!" I said, a little louder.

"Ask him. He will explain it to you! He's not entirely done with his past, not even now, and you are not the one who helped him up whenever he fell back down!" She said, staring at me.