A few days have passed since the call from the doctors and I’ve been staying at Michaels'. I haven’t gone to school and the doctor told the principal why I wouldn’t be there. I had an appointment later today with the doctor about my decision. I went back home for once to pick up some more clothes. I haven’t been sleeping well lately and you could tell. I looked like I haven’t been out in the sun for years. The bags under my eyes were darker than midnight. My hair which was once light and styled was now messy and lifeless. All I was wearing lately were sweatpants and sweaters. I had finally summed up enough energy to get off my bed and shower.
After finishing up my shower and walking out of the bathroom I heard a loud knock on the door. I threw on my jeans and ran to the door forgetting my shirt. I opened it slowly to reveal a scared looking April. She was in my crewneck I left for her and a black floral skirt with thigh-high black socks. “Hey.” I breathed out.
“Hey.” She did the same. She stared at my scar for a little then back up at my eyes.
“What are you doing here?”
“I haven’t seen you in a few days and I went to Michaels' but he told me you were here so I wanted to make sure you were okay.” She stared at my scar again.
“Oh,” I looked down at my shirtless body. “Uh, want to come in?” I opened the door more for her to enter. She walked in slowly and scanned the small living room. I was just getting ready for the meeting. I had decided on what I was going to do but I still didn’t feel okay with it.
“So, how are you?” She asked as we walked to my room.
“I don’t know. I feel tired all the time.” I shrugged. I stopped as we reached my bedroom. It wasn’t a mess like every other teenage boys room. It was just small. The walls were off white and covered with posters, my bed was on the floor and never made, there were some shirts on the floor probably, and my closet was always closed and held all the shirts and sweaters I've been ignoring. The only part of my room I liked was the corner I hung out in with my laptop and guitar. I opened the door slowly hoping it looked better than normal. She skipped in and found her way to my bed quickly and sat down. I noticed all the imperfections I had once overlooked. The stain on the floor from the time when I spilled Kool-Aid when I was little also the hole I punched in the wall when I had one of my many break downs. She sat down on my bed and crossed her legs. She looked up at me and smiled. “Sorry it’s a mess.” I smiled back.
“It’s fine. Mine looks just as bad.”
There was a silence. “So, what’s the real reason you’re here?” I asked knowing there was something more than just making sure I was okay.
She opened her mouth but closed it quickly as if she wanted to say what was on her mind. She put her hand up to her chin and rested her elbow on her exposed thigh. She thought for a few more seconds before standing up and folding her arms behind her body. “Luke, did you decide on what you’re going to do?” she whispered like she didn’t want me to hear her.
There was another long silence as I took her hand and walked back to my bed and sat down. She sat with me and rested her head on my shoulder. I was chewing on the inside of my cheek and thought about if I should tell her the truth. I thought I had made up my mind but something was making me think otherwise. “I’m taking her off life support.” I said. She sat straight up and studied my calm expression. “I knew that I had to do that from the start.” I stood up and started walking to the door. “I’m going to the hospital. You can come if you want.” She jumped from my bed and grabbed my arm. I got into my mom’s car, which was now my car, and drove to the hospital. We didn’t talk the whole ride and we didn’t hold hands either. I knew that it was nothing personal. It’s just that things are crazy now and I needed to focus on the conversation I was going to have with the doctor. We arrived to the hospital and I walked up to the same lady at the front desk. I gave her my name and I stood there until the doctor showed up. She said I could sit down but I didn’t want to. April didn’t look at me until the doctor came in. “I made up my mind.” I said.
“Okay, follow me.” He said. He turned around and I felt April walk away. I grabbed her by the wrist without looking at her and intertwined our fingers. She didn’t say anything; as if she knew what I was doing was okay. We followed close behind the doctor and made our way to the room where my mother was in. I looked at her limp body lying on the bed. The silence in the room was louder than I could handle. I felt my body start to shake like I was going to black out again. April squeezed my hand tighter to remind me I wasn't alone anymore. I looked at the doctor and nodded.
The funeral was a week later.
