Anxiety One-shots

September third

A year ago I was so much worse.

During exam time last year I would have a panic attack every week that would turn into a anxiety attack or worse for the next few days.

I was missing so much school and had trouble completing my culminating and studying was almost impossible.

I thought I was getting better over the summer, I worked with kids which helps a lot, I was with friends, I went on trips.

I was supposed to be getting better.

It became much worse.

On September the third of last year I brought a blade to my wrist because I had to know how it felt I barely touched the skin.

It made me smile, because it didn't hurt as much as what was going on in my brain, it made me forget.

So I continued on the next day but more, than another time about a week later.

It hurt after but not during.

Not as much.

It is now a year after that first day that was definitely my darkest day.

Now my panic attacks are less frequent, only every so months.

I still have down periods but at school I feel comfortable letting myself breakdown so I can come back up.

I bought a black cuff for my left wrist, the first place that the blade touched. I have thrown out the blades that have haunted me this past year. I thankfully don't have any visible scars, the mental ones will always be there, because I was still to afraid to break skin, still to afraid of the pain.

I'm getting better.

I hope.