Brutal Love - E.D

Beginning of the end

"I'm so so sorry" I got on my knees and kissed her feet. "You're starting to worry me, don't kiss my feet-stand up" she demanded and i obeyed.

"What's wrong ethan?" She asked and I couldn't look her in the eyes. "Look at me- don't hide things from me" she said and I hesitantly lifted my head.

"I get jealous, I get jealous so easily , I get jealous so easily because I'm afraid of losing you, you're mine and only mine" choked out.

"Stop beating around the bush" she snapped and I trembled. How was supposed to tell her?

"I came out like my father" I sighed "stop saying that and tell me what's wrong" she looked at me with soft eyes, they were too good to be true and they angered me a little.

"You wanna know what's wrong? I killed-" I blurted out but y/n gasped and held her chest. "How could you? HOW COULD YOU!?" She choked out and I knew exactly what she meant.

"I'm sorry" was all I could say.

"Sorry? Are you fucking kidding me? Sorry ? Ethan really?" Y/n looked at me in disbelief, hoping I was gonna tell her I was joking but I didn't. "I'm sorry" I choked out again.

"How could you remove another human from existing? How could you do that to Alex? He was loved and cared for. That was someone's child! You killed someone's child and your own! You took away my motherhood, you took away what may be my only chance at true happiness. How could you do this to me? How could you do that to our baby girl? At Alex? At fucking me? How do you sleep at night? How could you ethan? Why?" Y/n ranted and I couldn't meet her eyes.

I was liar and murderer.

"How am I supposed to live like this? With you in my life? How?" She asked again and started walking out the house.

"No please! Don't leave me!" I begged and was done with me. "I don't want to be with you, I don't want you in my life and it's best I to go and live happily with Alex and my babygirl, I was happier with him anyway" she snapped.

"You see this?" Y/n asked while poking her chest, "my heart, it fucking hurts because of you, I can't understand why it still wants you to be in there, it's fucking stupid!" She seethed before she left.

I didn't run after her, I couldn't run after her. She was gone and I was weak. She didn't deserve this pain, I did.

•Y/n POV•

I drove to my parents home, disoriented and hurt. I parked my car and climbed through my window.

I took off my clothes that were soaked in Alex's blood and my tears.

I laid in bed while I stared at the ceiling and started crying.

I was weak and useless.

I was hurt and lied to.

Ethan made people go to jail for life for his wrong doings.

He took away my identity as person, a woman, as a friend, as a mother.

Yet still he's the only man in my heart. My heart yearns for him, it beats for him. This fragile heart of mine is broken because of him and it hurts so bad.

It doesn't make sense.

He has ruined me.

Why am I such a burden? Why do I hurt people? What's so good about me?

If the man I love called me useless and spat on me, How can I love anyone else?

The pain is unbearable, this was too much pain.

My heart needed to rest.

I had to hurt myself to equal the pain ethan has given me. Self pain heals.

So I did what anyone would do.

I got off my bed and tip toed to the bathroom. I looked at horrible naked body in the mirror. It was scared and bruised up everywhere. I looked ugly.

This refection isn't me.

I hated this version of myself.

I slapped the mirror, causing pieces of glass to get stuck into my hand.

I took my hand that was not bleeding and grabbed a razor blade.

Like I said, self pain heals.

I don't wanna feel pain

I wanna leave

I didn't want to live, knowing that the man I love could hurt me willingly again.