Insanity

insanity - 14

It's been two days since I last saw Ander. I'd been thinking about what he said though, and I keep questioning why he was there, sometimes I think maybe he was admitted here at some stage, maybe not; but I can never be certain; I would ask the question as to why he was here sometime later, possibly when I saw him again. 

I'd taken a certain liking to the colour blue these past few days; I think somewhere in my mind I knew why, but at the moment, I don't know why I am obsessed with this specific shade of dark blue; all I know is that it reminds me of the ocean, of it's deepest abyss. The staff and doctors had released me back to my room yesterday; at first they'd been resilient to leave me alone in the compound of my room; yet once I'd requested again for my art supplies they grew tired and knew that I wouldn't harm myself - even though I wouldn't anyway - but once given the canvases they left; sure to instruct certain people to check up on me from time to time. 

Art, painting, set me at ease, it reminded me of serene moments; things I'd most long for; for a expanding amount of peace from my mind; for everything to fade, but for everything to mean more not questionably less. 

Slowing the strokes of the paintbrush, I go back to my palette and combine two colours to get the certain shade of blue I want; then heading back to the canvas I paint the rest of the ocean within his lively eyes; why had I just painted Ander's eyes?