I'm With You To The End Of The Line [STUCKY]

Chapter 11

Steve were sitting on the edge of Bucky's bed in T'Challa's castle, holding hands gently. It was mostly on Steve's request. Bucky's grip was lax, afraid he might squeeze too hard, scare the other away, even though he knew that wasn't possible.

"You okay?" Steve asked softly, eyes lingering on his metal stump, loose and fired wires covered by a black cloth.

"It's fine...It's how it was supposed to be, if I had survived back then, right?" Bucky's eyes flickered from his lap to his stump, then to Steve's soft blue eyes.

"I guess...He said he'd give you a new arm one day. When he found a metal that connected well enough with your wires...Something not silver." He squeezed his hand gently and Bucky couldn't help but smile softly.

"That's nice of him...After everything."

"He understands that it wasn't you that killed his father...He understands that you weren't in your right mind." Steve rose his hand, but Bucky didn't want to let it go, so instead he held it that tiny bit tighter as Steve rested his hand against Bucky's stubbled cheek.

"He understands that I was weak." Bucky simplified and Steve's eyebrows furrowed in disappointment, not at him, but his thoughts.

"You aren't weak, Bucky. Heck, you're stronger then a lot of us after all you've been through." Steve loosened his grip on Bucky's hand to capture the brunets face, pressing his forehead against his own. "You're no where near weak, Buck." Steve could hear Bucky's shuddered breath as his words, feel the warm breath on his face that smelt of their breakfast of sweet fruits and soft doughs.

"...Our kiss." Steve peered upon Bucky's features at his whisper. "Our first kiss...How did it go? Who started it? What was it like?" Bucky asked softly, voice tender and curious.

"Our first kiss...Was probably my favourite. I was hopeless at dancing, so you offered to teach me...The sweetest song was pouring through your lounge room from your new radio and you were leading me around..." He took Bucky's hand, placing it on his waist. Bucky's slipped it around him slightly, like his arm physically remembered how to hold him. "You held me like this, except you were holding my hand." He placed his hand instead on Bucky's shoulder, rubbing it softly.

"What then?" Bucky said, just above a whisper.

"You pulled me closer..." Steve shifted to the point where they could hold a tennis ball between their chests, thighs pressed against each other's. "And you told me to go with the music." He said so softly that Bucky almost missed it, but even then, he was too occupied with leaning in, capturing the blonds lips with his own.

Steve closed his eyes, lashes fluttering against his cheeks as he pressed against his lips, the kiss just like their first. It was soft and shy, yet impulsive and almost instinctual with how they moved, Steve guiding Bucky back to lay down on the bed so he can hover over him, deepening the kiss and make both men breathless.

Bucky's warm fingers slipped between Steve's blond strands, lips parted and mouth hungry for the long needed affection. A coming headache was something he gladly ignored to focus on Steve's devouring lips. It continued to pound, pulsating through his head as he tried to forget the pain in favour of pleasure, but he couldn't stave away the flickering memories.

> MENTIONS OF NON-CON FROM HERE ON <

Screams and begs. The laughter of HYDRA soldiers. The shrill cries of a woman and the cold, blank stare of the Winter Soldier as he followed orders to absolutely ruin the prisoner's defiance in a way the sick HYDRA men could enjoy.

Bucky tensed under Steve, lips lax in sickened shock.

"...Bucky?" Steve stopped as Bucky's sudden stillness, looking down questionably. Everything had been going okay, had he taken it too far? Was Bucky not ready to enter their previous relationship yet?

Bucky looked up at Steve's worried blue eyes and could only feel bile rise. Why did he have to remember right now? Everything could have been fine...But he didn't deserve that, did he? A ra- A man like him didn't deserve this.

He moved to get out from under him, any pleasure he felt before diminishing as the sick revelation came over him, a cold sweat breaking out over his body. Steve sat back on his heels and watched Bucky with a confused, slightly hurt expression.

"Bucky? Are you okay?" Steve shifted over to where Bucky had curled up on the edge of his bed, knees to his chin and one hand tangled in his dark locks. He sat besides him and hesitantly placed a hand on Bucky's, only for him to flinch away.

"I think you should go Steve." Bucky said with a shaky voice, quiet and vulnerable.

"Bucky-"

"Please...Steve, I just- I can't be near you right now." He looked at Steve from the crevice of his arm, pale blue eyes rimmed red from unshed tears.

"...Was it me?" Steve questioned in concern.

"No...Its never you. It's always me." He choked out a bitter laugh. "Always Winter."

"Buck, I know you think it's your fault, but it's-"

"It is, Steve!" He snapped in his guilt. "I wasn't strong enough and I-I-" He smashed the side of his fist against the bed frame, making the wood splinter. "Shit..." He mumbled.

"Bucky, look at me..." Steve moved his fingers slowly towards the now still Bucky, like he was a scared animal. Bucky visibly trembled as Steve tilted his chin up and to the side to look at him. "Talk to me. I won't force you, but I can't understand or help you cope if you don't talk to me." Steve spoke in a tender tone even as Bucky's eyes dripped with tears like a tap.

"I..." His lips curled in disgust at how broken his voice sounded, how hoarse and choked with tears it was. He didn't deserve to cry.

"You or Winter?"

"Winter...Me...I don't think I can really tell us apart anymore." His chuckle was inane and filled with shame.

"You aren't Winter, Bucky, and Winter isn't you." Steve reassured. "He's HYDRA's. You're yours, Bucky."

"God, I hate your speeches and how right you fucking are." Bucky said in disbelief, pinching the bridge of his nose as he sniffled.

"What did Winter do, Buck?" Steve rubbed Bucky's cheek with the pad of his thumb, wiping away the stray tears that slipped down his rough, prickly cheek.

"He...He followed orders...That poor girl...She couldn't be any older then twenty..." His throat felt tight with the urge to vomit yet sob all at once.

"What did he do, Bucky?" Steve questioned once more as he slipped his arm around the older man, tilting the ex-assassins head to rest on his shoulder, an action Bucky couldn't help but relish in.

"...He raped her." Bucky breathed out so low that Steve almost didn't catch it, but when he did, dread and horror curled in his stomach.

"Oh god...Bucky..." Steve's hug was almost crushing, but Bucky fell into it, letting his soft, choked sobs out. Steve could almost cry himself, for the young woman, for Bucky's actions...The worst part, was that he could never have stopped it, yet he would probably always remember it. If Winter had done that, what other terrible crimes had he put Bucky through?

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry --...I don't even have a name to put to a face." That only made Bucky feel worse. "I can't even say a proper sorry." He coughed from the strain of crying, throat tight and constricted.

"Shh...Let it all out, Buck." Steve knew there was no making this situation better. There was no 'it'll be okay', but it wasn't. It may be the past, the girl dead, but there was no okay to this. There was no way of making Bucky any less guilty. Hydra had taken advantage of the Winter, and in turn, Bucky, and made him more then just an assassin and ex-hydra agent. It gave him another terrible label no one would want. A rapist.

Steve couldn't make him better with his love. This would only be healed with time.

11 LINES CUT