Excerpts From the Unfinished

Unrequited Crushing

The worst thing you can do to yourself if have a crush. Even worse? When the feelings are unrequited. It will be Hell for you. I can say that I have had many unrequited crushes, and most of them I got over rather quickly. There was this one I couldn't ever seem to et over though. I had a massive crush on my best-friend's brother. Now I know what you're thinking... this sounds like the plot of a cliche movie. Well sadly it's not. This is the truth! I don't remember when or how it happened, but eventually I realised I liked him, no, I was addicted to him. Whenever we spoke or texted, I just wanted more. Anytime I saw him, I wouldn't want to look away. Any joke he told me, I would keep in my mind to remember later. Any nice comment he made to me was captured in my memory so I could remember it later. I'm telling you guys, I was crazy about this guy! There was a lot wrong with this situation though. I was very close with the whole family, so much that I was considered part of the family. I was called the other sister or the other daughter. Let's get into some of this story, and all intensive purposes we'll name this guy Tyler. So, Tyler and I had quite a few classes together through the years. We took Logic I, Logic II, Philosophy, Physics, and Drivers Ed. Together, and let me just say I loved every class with him. I wasn't one who really loved school, but this guy made me love these classes. You could say the two of us got pretty close over time. There was a Christmas party that his family had, of course I was there, and I stole his coat for the night and wore it around, because it smelled like him and it gave me comfort. Later that night, we ended up alone and played a few board games together. We had so much fun, and I know I was blushing and giggling the whole time. I think it was around this time that I started to like him. So, fast forward a couple weeks after the party, and I went ice skating with my best friend, Tyler, and another friend. While we were there, the other friend tried to find out if Tyler liked me or not, and that plan failed! Around this time I tried to give up and move on from the guy. It worked for a little bit, but sure enough, this crush still existed and a few months passed before I realised it again. I was hanging out with my best friend, her boyfriend, and Tyler and we were watching a movie, The Matrix to be exact. I was sort of flirting with Tyler, and my best friend's boyfriend caught onto this and ended up asking her about it. She told me about that after and I felt so embarrassed about the situation, so I tried to make sure I didn't show my feelings after that. Of course that failed! After these events, Tyler and I began to talk more, and we got even closer. A few months passed and we stopped talking as much, and a few months more and were in new classes again. Around this time I began to notice a few new things. Tyler had started to do a few new things. I would catch him staring at me sometimes, and he would glance over at me when he was in a conversation with someone else. He would also wait to see my reaction to some of the things he would say. Another thing, he had started making really considerate and caring comments. I remember once I thought I heard thunder and Tyler tried to tell me "no it's not thunder! I know you don't like so it can't be thunder!" And I told him again that I really thought it was thunder, and he yet again told me not to worry and that I was safe and it wasn't thunder. It really meant a lot to me. It was this same night that I got really curious again. Did he like me? Or was this just unrequited feelings? I tried to ask him myself but I couldn't do it. I couldn't send the message, so I got help from a mutual friend. He asked Tyler about it by telling him that I had the crush, but he didn't get an answer from Tyler about what his thoughts/feelings were. So I found out about this and I got very anxious and stressed. I got to the point where I didn't want to go over to my best friend's house the next day for fear of what might be said or done. But I couldn't do anything but wait on the results. I stayed up the whole night typing and writing and distracting myself from the terrible thoughts going on in my head. I'm the morning I ended up going over anyways and then I got my answer. You see there was a lull in the day where Tyler pulled me aside and talked to me. I remember exactly what he said. "I know about the crush. I appreciate it, but you're not my type. I don't like you like that. You're just a friend, and basically a sister to me." It broke my heart so much, but I had to respect his decision. So I moved on, slowly but surely I moved on from him. I think from the beginning I knew he didn't like me back, but I couldn't accept it, because he had never told me himself. It was as if I still had this small spark of hope that maybe things would or could work. But I knew the answer the whole time, I just didn't want to accept it. Maybe that's why they call it a crush... because in the end it crushes you.