Finding my Wings

~1~

               I always thought that fate was cruel and unforgiving. If you show a sign of weakness or just turn you back, it will ruin your everything and leave you without ground to keep hold to. I always thought that. Until the day he grabbed my hand.

                My parents died a year before I turned 16. I was sent to live with my uncle who was in some shady business. It wasn’t long before he started demanding compensation for letting me stay in his home. I didn’t have anywhere else to go. Doing what he asked was the only way for me to continue to live a somewhat normal life. But every night that he’d come into my room, I know this was not the type of life my parents wanted me to live. Soon enough he started selling my body off to his coworkers and business partners. My body became a toy and felt like a foreign object to my state of mind. I lost sight of myself and became the person I was forced to become.

                One night uncle said he needed money from me for living expenses. He took me to a part of town where sluts walked the streets and greasy pigs would drive up in their shitty cars to buy those girls off. It didn’t take me long to realize I had become one of those sluts. The disgusting hands that touched me burned my skin wherever they touched. I felt so dirty for letting this happen to me. But I had no other way to live and support myself. I gave up.

                It was like any other late night. A regular who had taken an interest in me took me around a corner to a particular alleyway. He was in his late forties and his wedding ring gleamed in the dim lights of the buildings around. He had a specific trait to him where he always smelled like cherry cigars. It was such a sweet scent, but the things he paid for me to do were not at all sweet.

                “Baby gimme your sweet licking. You know how that always gets me going. It was a hard day at work and you need to give me something extra special and I’ll give you some extra green. That’s what you like right? Haha, but make it quick wifey is making me attend a dinner with her coworkers later tonight. Ah that’s right, make it good. Oh god.”

                I didn’t ask for this. This man was gross and disgusting. The urgh to choke out the vulgar thing thrusting into the back of my throat was almost too much to resist. The fingers digging into the back of my skull felt like claws, unrelenting and a hidden warning that if I made a move to do just that and choke it out, I’d be sorry.

                Heavy footsteps swung around the corner  right then. “Hey! What do you think you’re doing in this sort of place? Leave now or I’ll call the cops. I swear by it, this is my store!”  

                “Ah shit man!” I gasped for clean air when the thing was ubruptly ripped out of my mouth. “Guess that cuts us short here sweetheart. Next time you make good on me.” His polished shoes turned to leave but my hand shot outand grabbed a handful of his cleanly pressed trousers.

                “Money.” I managed to spit out.

                “Like hell you worthless bitch!” I had no time to react when those polished shoes smashed into the side of my face. The world went red and I fell into the dumpster next to me. The cold metal felt almost nice against my burning skin.

                “Whoa man, leave the chick be. Just get out of here! And you, you better scram! I don’t want the likes of you ruining the reputation of this fine establishment!”

                Leave? But this wasn’t so bad was it? My head felt like it was inflated with helium and I could forget the pain of my damaged body as I drifted up into the clouds. The ground was gone and the dumpster no longer so cold. I didn't want to go back out onto that street, looking for someone else who’d probably just end up doing the same thing to me again.

                Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to die here. Mom. Dad. Will I see you when I open my eyes? Can the hands that hold me be only with the intentions of comfort and love? Could I ever be so lucky to laugh again in that warm place we called our home?

                I wasn’t to be so lucky.