Finding my Wings

~12

“Tristan. Oh Tristan!”

        The realization of what I’d just done came crashing down. The past few days I’d been rehearsing what I would say if I were to ever do something like this. It always went along the lines that I was no good for him and he deserved so much better.  Those words built up in my throat but before they could make themselves known, a voice cleared their throat behind us.

        “Yes Maddy?” Tristan said, not moving his hand from my face.

        “Miss Ally is here to see you master. She is waiting for you in the sitting room.” Her shoes clacked back along the stone paths.

        “Damn,” he cursed. “I don’t want to-“

        “Go.” I managed to croak. Oh god the frog was back. “It’s better if you just went.”

        He was silent. It was in that silence that I knew I’d hurt him. His hand fell from my face and he took a step away from me. I could feel my heart squeeze painfully and the tears threaten to show. “I see. So that’s how it is. Don’t stay out here too long.” And he left.

        I don’t know how long I stood there, but the kitten was the one that broke me out of my trance by licking at the salty tears that flowed freely down my cheeks.

        Did that really just happen? Had I really just kissed the prince? Yes, but I’d ruined it. He had tle me he loved me and I’d just pushed him away. So wait, who was this Ally person. Dread trickled into my veins. I remembered hearing her name a few times in Tristan’s childhood stories. They were apparently good friends since they were little. Mrs. Lancy had made a side comment she was always saying how she’d marry Tristan one day. At the time I’d just laughed, they had been kids.

        Back inside, I made my way quietly to the sitting room. I could hear a girl’s laughter before anything else. It kept me from entering the room. But then I heard Tristan laughing. I knew this laugh. More squeezing.

        “Oh Tristan, It’s been so long. Why haven’t you come and visited me?” The girl pouted.

        He was silent, “I’ve been busy lately with a project. You know how it is.”

        “Was it really that important that you couldn’t come see me? Your very own fiancé?”

        What. Fiance? What was she saying? Tristan deny her!

        But what he really said was, “You were always too spoiled for your own good.” I heard her giggle. And I just had to see.

        Inching closer to the doorway I peered around the corner. What I saw was Tristan sitting on the couch with Ally and all her blond curliness snuggling up into his side. I could imagine her cleavage pressing against his arm. And he didn’t push her away.

        I can’t remember what I’d done next. I think I’d ran from there. That scene would be forever scorched into my memory. I sat sobbing inside my room till dusk, yet Tristan still didn’t come. I could’ve sworn I’d heard his footsteps outside my door, but they could’ve been Maddy’s because instead of opening my door, they just carried on down the hall. IntoTristan’s room.

        He wasn’t coming after all. He really did have a fiancé and I had been nothing but a ‘side project’. All those weeks of love and laughter suddenly exploded into a thousand tiny sharp knives that pierced my heart and made it hard to breath. This had all been a lie. Lies and false feelings. And I’d believed every single one. What a fool I had become.

        It must’ve been midnight when I’d gotten out of bed. The moon was high in the sky and shadows danced across the floor in the lamplight as I began packing my small assortment of belongings. I would leave all the cloths and accessories here. I made sure to fold them nicely on top of the bed and to gently put the ruby necklace on top of the pile. The stone facing upwards. I took only enough money it would take to pay for a bus or taxi and I put on the ratty cloths I had on that night that Tristan had taken me here.

        I took one last look down that hallway to where Tristan’s room was dark. And then I made my way through the halls and down the grand staircase. This time, I didn’t look away from those big double doors. No. This time, they swung open with ease and I stepped out into the cold September night.