Till Death Do Us Part

"Friends"

As I said, it was hard for me to 'just be friends' and every once in a while our lips found their way to each other. I don't know what he did, But I loved him so much.

I got to know his friend with the brown hair too, his name was Justin. He was that one friend that brought a new girl home every weekend. We often told him to stop doing that, because the girls always end up crying. He always laughed at it.

6 months passed. I loved every day of it. Every morning I woke up with a text from T and he always tried to call me before we went to bed.
What I didn't know was that things went downhill again. I was so blind.

Femke texted me.

I just heard my brother shout.
Is everything okay?
I'm going to check on him now.
XOXO

Weird. We just called and he sounded fine? Did I do something wrong? Did something happen?
I was so worried and called him again. He didn't answer.

A bit later I got a new text from Femke saying she saw him with a razor on his wrists. She stopped him, But she was worried sick.
And so was I.
We talked and talked and the next day I went over to their House.

I didn't sleep that Night. I kept repeating in my head that it was all my fault. I should've seen it coming. I should've done something. He didn't deserve all this pain. He was loving. He always cared about others, more than himself. He always put on this happy face and I never saw his eyes turn black again.

When I got there, I ran straight to him and jumped in his arms. Litteraly. He almost fell and couldn't hold back a giggle.
"Why? Why do you do this? You know I'm always here. Please talk to me instead of doing this. I want to be your rock. I want to be the shoulder you cry on. It's okay.", I said while I was still in his arms.
He held me close for so long, without talking.
After a while he descided to talk.

"I don't want my pain or what's inside my head to ruin your happiness. I don't want you to ever think that what I do is because of you. It just takes away the pain."

I didn't understand. How could cutting help to get rid of the pain? It Will only cause more pain, right?

"If you need me, I'll be there. Always. All the time. No matter what. I love you..."