Guilty of my Jealousy (Jeffmads)

Ch.1-Heartache

      
           James Madison was getting settled into his new dorm. Which he was sharing with his best friend Thomas Jefferson. He was madly in love with Thomas. He denied it every time though. He was unpacking his bags when he heard a knock on the door.

"I'll get it!" Thomas yelled. He ran over to the door and opened it. "Ah-Alex! Come hereee.."

James cringed at what Thomas was saying. It hurt him every time. He should be happy for his best friend. But he isn't-he can't, when all he desperately wants is for Thomas to notice how much James loved him. He sighed and shut his door. He laid back on his bed and stared at the ceiling.

"Why is life so fucked all the time" he huffed to himself. He heard Thomas and Alex talking sweet to each other. He let out a grumble.

James put on headphones and finished unpacking. He looked around his neat and decorated room. He smiled a little. He had forgotten about the couple in the living room and opened his door. He walked into the kitchen when he heard someone yell his name. He pulled out his headphones.

It was Alexander.

"Finally-James, what are you doing here?"He asked, sass in his voice.

James fidgeted with his sweater sleeves. "I-um, live here." He looked down.

Alex scoffed. "You live here? Hmm.. Well you better not get any ideas James Madison. Or you're never gonna see the end of it." The front door opened and Thoma walked in with a bag.

"Yo, got some groceries if you're hungry James." Thomas smiled and James nodded. Alex gave him a look.

James grabbed a peach and some water and went back to the room. He sat on the edge of his bed and ate his peach in silence. Tears started to fall down his cheeks.

'Why does Alex hate me so much? Why doesn't Thomas see how mean he really is? Why can't I just forget about Thomas.' James thought. He wiped his eyes and went to the bathroom in his room. He stared at himself in the mirror. He opened the cabinet and grabbed the pack of razors he stashed.

No one knew James cut-and no one ever would. It was his stress reliever and way to feel. He felt horrible about himself. He felt ugly and unwanted.

He rolled up his sweater sleeves and leaned over the sink. He looked at his scars and shook his head. He brought the cold blade to his wrist and dragged it.

Red filled his thoughts.

*******************

James laid in bed and sketched. He drew Thomas. Over and over. His big beautiful eyes and luscious hair. He was helpless, that was for sure.

He got up and went to get some thing to eat. He looked in the fridge and got some bread and pb and j. He started making a sandwich when he heard Alex in the room.

He was on the phone.

James listened in and heard things he didn't want to know.

Alex was cheating. With John!

"I know baby-Im sorry.. I promise i'll make it up to you John, I promise."

James shook his head and just made his sandwich. He left to his room.

'God Thomas-if only you knew..'