Guilty of my Jealousy (Jeffmads)

Ch.5-Healing

     A/N: thats how I see James but you can imagine him however you see fit :))

  It was James last day in the hospital. Thomas had kept his promise and came by everyday. James was glad, the company was nice. He would always relive the whole event. Every night, he woke up in a sweating and whimpering mess. He heard Alex's voice echo through his thoughts. He was still scared-scared of Alex and that Thomas would go back to him.

The doctor and Thomas walked in. James looked to them and gave a small smile. The doctor smiled back and looked at his clip board. "Hello James, how are you feeling today?" He asked.

"I'm feeling much better, can't I leave today?" James said a bit to excited. The doctor nodded. James smiled and looked to Thomas who was smiling too. James started to get up and the doctor told something to Thomas then left. Thomas walked over to James with a pullover sweater and leggings. Also panties.

"I thought, maybe you'd like a new outfit- I think that gown has been overdone.." Thomas chuckled and handed the clothes to James. He went through them and turned dark red.

"Y-you found t-t-these!!?- thank you.." He looked to Thomas then the clothes. "Well- turn around!!?" Thomas nodded hastily and turned around. James changed as quick as he could without hurting himself.

"I'm done.." James walked up behind Thomas and stood awkwardly. He thought about what Thomas said again.

'I love you-I love James Madison!'

James didn't believe it. Thomas would soon take it back.

Thomas turned around and smiled. "Ready to go?" James nodded eagerly. They went to the front desk and checked James out and got some anti biotics. The nurse whispered something to Thomas and he shook his head. James gave a weird look but shook it off. They walked to Thomas's car and got in.

"Thanks for picking me up, and staying with me the whole time..you didn't have to." James looked out the window. He felt bad he could never be happy. His depression always got in the way.

Thomas started the car. "You're welcome, I know I didn't have to-but I wanted to..." He pulled out of the hospital. James sat in silence, a grin plastered on his face.

They drove up to their dorm building and Thomas helped James out of the car. They walked up the stairs- which James had trouble with. He already had asthma, and on top of it his legs felt so weak from laying in bed for so long.

He felt weak and pathetic.

Thomas unlocked the door and held it for James. James smiled and coughed into his arm. He gave a small nervous laugh and stepped inside. He took off his shoes by the door and started for his room.

"Hey-are you hungry? I know hospital food isn't the best." Thomas called to him and chuckled.

James turned around and smiled. "S-sure just let me go get something from my room.." James scurried into his room and shut the door. He looked at himself in the mirror on his vanity.

He looked sick.

His eyes looked tired and his face just looked tired. He combed his wavy hair to the side. His head half shaved. Some curls were out of place. It looked kinda like a poof. He put on some foundation and concealer. Some mascara and rose pink eye shadow too. He felt refreshed. He got a sketchbook and pencil and went to the kitchen.

"Hey.." He smiled at Thomas, who was cooking something. Thomas grinned widely.

"Hey-you look cute! Well cuter than before-" James flushed red and mumbled something. He sat on a stool where the counter was and started to sketch. He drew a girl with long flowy hair.

"Whaddaya drawing?" Thomas peered over and saw the beautiful girl. His face lit up. "James?! That's amazing!" Thomas said excitedly. James covered his drawing.

"Ah, n-no it's not! It's average.."He looked to Thomas and bit his lip. "What are you m-making hm?"James was curious.

Thomas smirked. "Glad you finally asked.. I'm making your favorite, that I remember anyway- traditonal rice balls!"James giggled. That used to be his favorite when he was younger. Now he really loved sushi, but he didn't wanna hurt Thomas.

"Awh, I love rice balls!" James smiled for the first time in a while. Thomas felt his cheeks heat up and his chest tighten. ,

"Im glad James-" He gulped and went back to doing his kitchen thing. James sat quietly and drew.

***************************************

"They're doooone James!" Thomas called in a sing song voice. James had gotten bored and went to his room. He came out and smiled at the table. There was a plate of different kinds of rice balls and miso soup. And even ramune. James smiled so wide it hurt.

"Thank you Tommy!" He ran and jumped into Thomas's arms. He hugged him tight as Thomas held him carefully as possible.

"Anytime darling" He motioned for James to sit, and he did. They ate together and James just smiled the whole time.

Thomas cleared his throat and looked to James. "I wanted to take this opportunity to let you know something.. I want you to know how much I love you- and that I'm always gonna be here for you. Nothings gonna harm you, not while I'm around- I'm so sorry for what Alex did, I couldn't believe it. It just made me regret him even more.. But I'm not letting anything like that happen ever again." Thomas grabbed James hands from across the table.

James was crying now, his makeup a mess. He was hiccuping and choking on sobs. He didn't deserve this, he didn't deserve Thomas. He yanked his hands away and bolted to his room. He fell to his bed and sobbed into the pillow.

'James why are you crying? Did you realize just how ugly you are? Thomas will never love you he's just pretending because he feels bad for you-'

James heard the voice again. He yelled into his pillow. "No!-" He sobbed.

Thomas got up from the table and went to James room. He knocked on the door.

No answer.

He tried opening the door.

Unlocked.

He stepped in and heard James crying on his bed. Thomas bit his own lip and walked in. He sat on the edge of his bed and rubbed James back.

"Please don't cry, why are you so upset love?" Thomas said calmly.

James shook his head and cried.

He finally sat up and looked to Thomas. His cheeks puffy from crying. "I-I just- Why do y-you care about m-m-me so much?" James stuttered. He was hiccuping.

Thomas looked to James and hugged him close. He just held him and rubbed his back. He finally spoke.

"Because I love you- there's really no way for me to explain it. Other than how amazing you are. The way your chocolate skin compliments your eyes. Or how poofy your hair gets. I especially love your sweet and kind personality." Thomas rambled on.

"And! Don't tell me none of it's true because it is. You're beautiful and adorable and everything I could ever ask for as a friend.." Thomas didn't wanna be just friends but James just got out of the hospital after his last boyfriend attacked him.

James stayed in Thomas's arms for a while. Just sniffing and thinking. It took him a while to take in everything.

"Okay Thomas.. I-I love you too.."James said quietly. He held onto Thomas. "Im sorry I ruined dinner. You know I already have issues, especially with myself. I just- couldn't believe what you were telling me." James looked up to Thomas.

Thomas smiled.

"Well you should believe it James. Because it's all true." Thomas leaned down and kissed James cheek. James felt his face get hot. He smiled a little.

James felt better that night.