Guilty of my Jealousy (Jeffmads)

Ch.2-Helpless

      James woke up to thoughts about last night. He couldn't get the whole 'Alex cheating' thing out of his head. He was debating if he should tell Thomas or not. That would be the right thing to do right. He got up and stretched.

He was wearing a baby pink sweater and black little shorts. Which his ass hung out of. He opened his door and heard Thomas making coffee. He walked into the kitchen and saw him. He was only wearing boxers.

"G-good morning Thomas..." He turned pink at the sight of him. Thomas looked to James and smiled.

"Morning Jemmy-how did you sleep?" Thomas asked. He saw James bend over in the fridge and blushed red. Those shorts were very revealing. Thomas maybe had feelings for James.

Maybe.

"Ah-I slept fine..I was cold-" He wished Thomas would cuddle him in his strong arms. Never gonna happen.

"Aww, I could've turned on the heater or something.." Thomas chuckled a little. James was no doubt cute. He wished he was a better friend.

"No,no, I'm just a baby haha" James smiled a little and got mugs. He got creamer and sugar. Even though Thomas only liked creamer. He poured them cups and put creamer for Thomas. He handed it to him. "Here~" He chimed.

"Thanks-wanna watch TV with me?" Thomas asked. He honestly just wanted to spend time with James. Alex never cared to make sure they spent time together.

"Yeah! Of course...let me make my coffee, I'll be right there." James hummed to himself as he made his coffee. He walked into the living room and sat next to Thomas. He wished he could lean into his side and cuddle.

'Remember what Alex said James?' A voice said in his head. He stayed quiet. He felt his mind go blank with fear. Thomas put an arm around James. He brought him close and smiled.

There was a knock on the door and Thomas got up. It was Alex.

'He's gonna know James-You were cuddling with him, and those shorts..' James winced at the persistent voices. He wanted them out.

Alex hugged Thomas and laughed. Thomas went to the bathroom leaving Alex and James alone. James got up to leave but Alex stopped him.

"What did I tell you Madison?! Wearing those shorts, and sitting with him on the couch.."Alex clicked his tongue. "I can't have that James..." He inched closer to James, pinning him against the wall. He took out a sharp pocket knife.

Alex brought the knife to James neck and pressed it in. James felt tears and his breathing getting ragged. He pleaded in whispers for Alex to stop.

The bathroom door opened and Alex immediately stepped away. James hurriedly walked past Thomas and into his room. He slammed the door and locked it. He laid down the door and sobbed. His throat hurt and he felt so weak.

He hated the feeling. James wanted to be strong and brave. He wasn't, he was a sissy.

'God James, when are you gonna stand up for yourself? Why are you so weak-Thomas is never gonna like you,.' The voice said in his head. He tried to get rid of the voice that told him things.

He heard Thomas and Alex arguing in the living room. He couldn't make out what they were saying over his own thoughts and sobs. Once he calmed down he got up. He unlocked his door, not wanting anyone to think he was upset.

He went into the bathroom, and opened the cabinet. James got his favorite pack of razors.

Thomas had argued with Alex about what happened to James for at least an hour. Alex got annoyed and left. He never told Thomas what happened. Thomas walked to James room.

He knocked. "James?" No answer. He got worried and opened the door. There was a sliver of light shining from the bathroom. He crept over.

James picked out a razor and rolled up his sleeves. The voice spoke to him again. 'James you're so ugly, why do you even think Thomas would love you-' James started crying again. His vision becoming blurry. He wiped his eyes, though he kept sobbing. He rolled up his sleeves and brought the cold razor to his skin.

Red filled his thoughts.

Thomas peered inside and covered his mouth in shock. He felt tears form a little in his eyes-but stopped them from falling. He couldn't believe that he never knew. He opened the door and saw red covering the sink. He saw James and his emotionless state. He walked in and softly spoke.

"James... Please don't-" That was all Thomas could say. He didn't know James was doing this to himself.

James cocked his head around and hus eyes widened. "T-Thomas, get out!!" He yelled fear quaking through his veins. He didn't want Thomas to know this about him. Thomas just shook his head he walked up behind James. He shook the razor blade out of his hand and ran the water. James stood there and felt himself break down. He cried as Thomas helped clean his wrist.

"W-why are y-y-you in heree-" James cried out. He was so disgusted with himself. "I-I'm dis-disgusting Thomas.." He cried harder and bent over the sink. The water soon ran clear and Thomas helped him dry his hand off.

"Because James.. I care about you.." Thomas said firm yet softly. He got a towel and dried off his arm and opened the cabinet. He got bandages and patched up James. James stood there and hiccupped. His eyes and cheeks puffy from crying.

"Thanks Tommy.." James said quietly. His breath hitched as he took in a deep breath. Thomas smiled and rolled down James sleeve. He brought James into a hug and held him close.

"Of course maddi.." He said, barely audible. James buried his head in Thomas' chest. He wanted to stay like this forever but he knew Alex would make his way.

'Get a life James.. Thomas will never like you that way-' The voice in the back of his head stated.

James knew it was right.