Dreamer☀️ {Completed}

21. ⛅️

"Me? I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of what I saw, I'm scared of what I did, of who I am, and most of all I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I'm with you." - Dirty Dancing

I was lucky my car had been fixed the day prior thanks to my mom. My feet didn't stop moving until I reached the pavement of the student parking lot and my hand was on my car door handle.

I don't know where Haden and Autumn went and to be quite honest, I didn't really care. This whole day had been a disaster from the start and it was all because of Derek.

Stupid fucking Derek. How many times could one person possibly screw things up? It was exhausting, quite honestly.

I guess it was good that the truth finally came out about how he felt about me. He may have said it to me out of spite but that means the thoughts were in his head. That means he was thinking those things about me before he even said anything.

No matter what I did, I couldn't  get the aching feeling to leave my heart though as I sped off, ready to get as far away from this place as I possibly could.

I think the worst part of it all is that it almost slipped out. The elephant that had been sitting on my chest for years almost came right out in one heated moment of anger. If it hadn't have been for Haden's quick thinking, I could've completely ruined everything.

But that was the whole problem. Haden shouldn't have to cover for me. My issues shouldn't have been his to begin with. He shouldn't have been at that pharmacy with me that day to pick up my medicine. He shouldn't have gotten into a fight with his best friend and then had to deal with Autumn afterwards.

It wasn't Derek's fault, it was mine.

Things were quickly spiraling out of control and this is exactly what I had been trying to avoid this entire time.

The seatbelt cuts like blades into my shoulder when my foot slams on the break. The bright red flashing light I almost ran hands in front of me as deep breaths of air puffs out. Perhaps it would've been a better way to go. It would've been sudden and quick.

I wouldn't have to suffer anymore.

The palm of my hand rests against my chest, feeling the way my heart leaps and bounds into it. Instead of being able to calm myself, my breathing only got even more erratic.

Why was it so fucking hot in here?

Shaky fingertips reach for the air conditioning dial, twisting it and turning it on. I blast it until I'm shivering and my skin is blue, but for some reason, I still feel so cold.

As soon as I'm at home, I get out of my car. I see my mom's car already sitting there in the drive way so I know she must be home on lunch herself.

My vision blanks in and out as if little pictures are being taken and temporarily blinding me. The ground seems to shift under my feet as I struggle to maintain my balance.

I've just got to make it into the front door. That's all I've got to do, make it to the front door.

One foot in front of the other. Isn't that how you're supposed to make it through life? Putting one foot in front of the other.

My body's becoming my minds biggest betrayer quickly and with fury. It won't wait until I'm ready, it'll just knock me off my feet.

And that's exactly what happens. One minute I'm leaning against the fence and trying desperately to make it to my mom and the next minute my legs are buckling from underneath me and my head is crushing into the pavement underneath me.