Why me?

Chapter 3

14th March 2014

It was a pretty rough night....

As I hopped onto my bed at 9:00pm sharp, I noticed my side lamp flickering on and off. I switched it off, worrying he was going to appear at any moment.

I climbed into bed and pulled my duvet up, curling into a tight ball. By this time all side lights were out and everything was silent...

I felt my bed shift and move as if someone were sitting on the end of it. I reached under my pillow and pulled out my iPod. The screen flashed on and the numbers 12:04am came up. I felt the bed move again, and sat up. There he was....just sitting there cross legged on the end of my bed. His brown hair, messy and his black lifeless eyes staring at me.

I lay back down and curled up into a small ball again. I felt the bed move yet again, and looked up.

He was gone.

That's when the dream started.

I was blindfolded. And someone or something was leading me somewhere. I took the blindfold off and saw it was him. Max. He was taking me through some forest. Then this building came into sight. It was a short building with no windows at all and only one door. He lead me inside and down about two, maybe three flights of stairs and into another room. Pitch black, and I think by that time we were underground. He let go of my wrist and walked over to a wall and flicked on a light switch.

There were like...people. More like bodies. My friends. My family. People in general that knew me.

Hung.

My world seemed to start spinning and a whole lot of questions came racing through my mind.

What happened? How did this happen? Who did this!?

He spoke to me and told me that these were all the people I have hurt. Being that I wanted to die, that I harmed myself or that I was upset or down. I had hurt these people just by hurting myself.

Mum. Dad. Indiana. Neave. Matthew. Isaac. Antonia. Monet. Savannah. Darien. Reagan. Sam. Chloe. Olivia. Elise. Amber and many more.

I woke up crying and went to the bathroom. I got back into bed and pulled my iPod out. 3:08am. I lay in bed thinking about what Max had said in the dream. I can't go on living like the way I do now. I have to change. I need to become a happier person and live a positive life, if not for my sake; for my friends. My family. I can't let the depression and anxiety rule my life. It's not fair to me and certainly not fair to others.