Why me?

Chapter 4

17th March 2014

As I sit on my bed that night, I can hear him. I can hear him talking. But I can't see him. Anywhere.

He says he wants to talk.

But I don't trust him.

I'm scared, I'm upset and I'm nervous.

So many times before, when he said he wanted to talk, all he would end up doing was yelling at me. Calling me names. How was I supposed to trust him now?

The thing is, I don't care anymore. I don't care what he has to say about me. I'm used to it now.

But this time was different.

He told me I'm a strong, amazing, beautiful girl. That I'm perfect the way I am. He told me I have recalling amazing friends who are so supportive. And he is right, I do have amazing, supportive friends. But the other things? I've been called ugly, fat, stupid. I've been told I'm not wanted or that I should just go and die, by my "friends" in my hometown. By him. I've been told them so many times, that I'm having a hard time believing what he is saying.

He tells me everything will get better eventually, but honestly... will it? I've been trying so hard. But it feels like I'm getting nowhere. Have I gotten nowhere? By this time the tears have made an appearance and are streaming down my face. He tells me it's okay to cry, it's okay to be sad, but to not let it get too far. But I have and as a result of letting it get too far I've ended up with a much bigger problem.