Why me?

Chapter 5

I can't let this world make me bitter.

I can't let the actions of others turn me cold on the inside.

I can't.

Certain things happen that hurt us, people come that leave us. Most of all there are moments when we will fall.

I can't let those things make me unkind.

It's okay to cry. It's okay to be sad.

I'm human. I break. I make mistakes.

But I can't let sadness and pain run my life.

There are moments in life when I do feel like giving up and I can't take it anymore.

I know I'm weak. But the things that show my weak side are also the same ones that will make me stronger in the long run.

It's all about taking whatever life throws at me and learning from it.

The funny thing is whenever I want to be happy or try to be happy something, even if I don't know what it is, has to come along and bring me down. It feels like I have no control whatsoever on how I feel. Depression does. Depression has control over how I feel.

I woke up this morning and told myself today would be a good day. I would be happy. But as soon as the day gets started my stomach gets this weird feeling in it. It suddenly becomes heavy, like it's filled with rocks. I just want to drop to the floor and cry. It's like something is inside my stomach or my head that's tearing me apart, starting on the inside.

I get through first period. English. My second favorite subject. But today, I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I HATE IT. And yes, hate is a very strong word to use but that's exactly how I feel towards that class today. It feels like going there is a punishment. Like I've done something wrong.

I sit at the front with my friend and honestly, it feels like everyone is staring at me. Every time I hear a whisper, I assume it's about me. Its automatic, my brain does it all the time.