Why me?

Chapter 7

No one can fully understand the pain depression brings.

So called 'voices' in my head, screaming at me, telling me I'm not good enough. To just give it up already. But something inside of me tells me to hang in there. Even if it is just for a short time, it's long enough to see what's worth living for. One of them being my friends.

I couldn't leave them. My best friends Indiana and Chloe, it would kill them. I couldn't do it. I couldn't leave them. They are one of the few things that are worth living for. They understand me, Indiana more than Chloe, but Chloe tries her hardest. They are the only people apart from my parents that I trust entirely.

22nd April 2014

So at about 10:00 pm tonight lucky me had an anxiety attack. The tingling started in my hands and gradually swept across my wrists and up my arms.

My legs felt like they were on fire and as if they were being crushed or squeezed by someone.

My hands shaking uncontrollably and my heart pounding so fast, I call out to mum. She takes her time but as soon as she gets to my room a look of panic sweeps over her face.

She rushes over to me and starts talking calmly to me. The whole time I'm lying there shaking, I'm thinking 'is this it? Is this the end?' I'm so terrified at what is happening to my body but slowly it eases back.

My heart is going 100miles an hour and my body won't stop trembling. But I know it has stopped.

For me, that is one of the most terrifying experiences I ever have to face. And I'm so sorry if any of you have experienced it too.

It is honestly the scariest thing out.