My Dirty Little Secret

Chapter four

Dear Philip,
I know I'm not supposed to be writing you notes and stuff, but I need you to know that no matter how mad you might be, right now, in your situation, things will get better. I promise. I'm gonna miss you kid! But you have my number so use it ok, I wanna know everything that happens. 'Cause I got issues and you got em to give me all to me and I'll give mine to you' see ya later Philip.
Love, Heather

Reading the note I smiled silently to myself when I saw she quoted the song 'issues'. The same song she knew ever word to when we were driving here. The thing about that is she doesn't have issues, I do. So what she really means is that she gets all of my sad, depressing thing I call a life; while I get something that I've always wanted. My life free of worry, pain, tears. That's something I'll never take for granted.

-

I woke up from the sun peeping through my blinds, the dark curtains. It was nearly seven am, when I decided to take a shower. Helen and Gabe were still asleep, so this would be the time to get some quiet alone time.

While letting the steaming hot water drop on my head, I was thinking how soft the bed was. Not having to wake up with back pain every morning, just the thought was amazing. My old mattress was broken and smelly and noisy, with springs popping out of it, only if you could imagine.

Turning off the faucet, I stepped out grabbing a towel and wrapped it around my waist. Before I walked out I put my ear against the door to see if I could hear movement. When I didn't hear anything, I booked it as if someone was chasing me.

This is something I hate doing, not being able to feel comfortable, always on edge. Whenever Steven was Home and I took a shower, I would try my hardest to stay quiet. One time after I had a shower, Steven, came up behind me, he said that if I made a noise or said anything he would hurt my mom. He pushed me into my bedroom and he shut and locked the door. I guess my mom was sleeping because she never came to check on me.

Anyway, after he did that, he ripped my towel away from me. He started to unbuckle his pants, he pulled his shirt off all while I was trying to cover myself. I was completely naked, he forced himself on me, he-he raped me right then and there. I just lied there, taking it, only for defense of my mother.

Not even realizing I was crying, I started to hear movement upstairs. I quickly wipe my face and find clothes to wear that day.

-

I'm putting away the rest of my clothes when a sweet scent seeps through the air vents. The delicious smell of maple syrup. I stop what I'm doing and walk in to the kitchen to where the smell was coming from. "Philip, good morning!" Gabe says. "Uh.. good morning" I answer walking closer "Helen had to leave early, but I made us breakfast. I hope you like bacon and waffles!"

"You made breakfast for the both of us?"

"Yeah. I did. I hope that's ok." Gabe says setting the table.

"Yeah. I'm just not used to having breakfast made for me. Or breakfast at all." I chuckle out

Gabes smile disappeared after Philip had said those words.

"Well, here at our house you don't have to worry ok."

I nod smiling taking a seat. "This all looks and smells so good. Thank you."

As I'm eating my breakfast, my hot delicious breakfast I think about how good I could have it here. Having hot breakfast every morning and a soft warm bed to sleep on every night, this life feels like a dream.

-

"Helen said that when she comes home we're gonna go to target and grab a few things for you."

"Things like what?"

"I don't know. Things you might need I guess." He laughed out.

"Ok."

"So do you have anything you might need. For school? Or personal use?"

"Uh.. before I left my mom, she took me to get school supplies. So I don't those." I say avoiding eye contact. "But I could use personal things" I look back up. Gabe responded with 'ok' and that warming smile that's always on his face. Does he ever have a bad day? He always seem happy, must be nice I scoffed in my mind.

-

"Hey Philip how was your day?" Helen greeted when she came home.

"It was good I guess"

"Ok well are you ready to go?"

I nod and head out to Gabes truck. The car ride was almost silent only slight words being passed. Gabe and Helen in the two front seats and me in the back. My window is down and I take in the fresh warm breeze. It smells so much cleaner than the city, in the city all you smell is either garbage from garbage trucks passing by or food from food carts.

Walking into the store I look around at all the things hanging on selves from clothes, to bags, to shoes. What isn't in this store. Helen grabs a cart and starts pushing to where ever. "Ok Philip what do you need?"

"I need personal things. Things like deodorant and socks and a new toothbrush." I say and my face blushes.

"Is that it" she says not turning around.

"Uh. No. But that's enough money for today." I respond

Gabe chimes in "Philip you don't have to worry about money. Ok, whatever you need you can tell us we're here for you." I smile and thank him. Going around the store picking up the things I need we go off into another aisle. Helen gets distracted a lot at the store.

I've had the things I need in to the cart for over an hour and we're still here. Helen and Gabe are off looking around at movies while I'm looking at clothes. Helen lets me get a few pair of jeans and tshirts even a pair of boots. Riding boots as she puts it.

On the way to the check out finally, Helen and Gabe recognized the cashier. The name tag read 'Lukas' "hey Lukas! How are you? How's the job going?" Gabe asks sincerely.

"It's going good. It's only been a few months, but I like it so."

"Well Lukas, this is our foster son Philip." I look up at the sound of my name and my eyes meet blue ones. Blue is definitely my favorite color now. My face turns cherry red, I look away from him and look else where.

The boy-Lukas starts scanning the items "cool shirt" he says. I try to answer but my words get all jumbled and lost so I just smile.

Now leaving the store I can't stop looking back. He is so mesmerizing. His blue ocean like eyes, I could just swim in them for days, his bleach blonde hair even with his roots showing. I look back one more time before walking out the door, when I do we make eye contact not just eye contact but he also smiles at me. I think my heart just stopped, instantly I smile back and wave, without even thinking. Oh my gosh, what have I got myself into.