I Still...

Chapter 7

"I think I've spent more time here than I did in a classroom."

Jiyong watched as a smiling Jiyong talked animatedly on the screen as he showed the viewers the music room where he had spent most of his time in high school. He felt detached as he watched his story unfold inside the documentary as if it is the story of another Kwon Jiyong.

He had never watched it when it first aired. He doesn't want to see how the documentary would depict him as. It was probably worse than he thought as his CEO had commented that the documentary came out good. He hadn't planned to watch it, at all.

But there's always something about sinking into inifinite regret and loneliness that one ends up doing things without much thought. Like watching a rerun of Kwon Jiyong's life that exhibits his perseverance, hardwork, commitment, dedication, loyalty, honesty and all those shits. The editing of this video was done nicely that he came out looking like he had worked hard to graduate by working part time. That the lack of funds caused him to lose his scholarship as he had to juggle University life and his job. That he had no choice but to quit college to take care of his mom who was recuperating from her operation. They didn't think to include that he lost his scholarship because he never attended his classes or even made any effort meeting with his professors. That he was out drinking somewhere, passed out somewhere. That he had to be in the hospital because he had drunk too much and his mom had to take care of him. That he attended some college near his town just so he could have a degree after a year and get at least a decent job. He told the staff at WinKon all that but they edit it out and he came out looking like he was strong enough to overcome life's hurdles.

He wondered if the WinKon staff had mentioned what he had disclosed to Dara. She would probably think he deserve all the shit that he had gone through. She left during the filming and he had not seen her until she brought a copy of the documentary to his CEO. He had been laying low, giving her some space after what happened inside his mom's kitchen. Had been restraining himself from marching over to WinKon Network just to see her so he was taken aback when she suddenly appeared and all he did is look at her. Memorizing the face he still can see even when his eyes are closed.

He saw her expression changed, her eyes turning hard when Hara entered the room and sat next to him. And like a fool, he watched her walk away again. Let her go for the second time.

He knew he can't get her back. Not until he had set himself free from Denny Park. But sometimes, everything is just too much that he is unable to keep it inside him anymore. He kept it all bottled inside him that he felt close to erupting. Like two nights ago when he was out celebrating with the staff of YG Entertainment for his nomination and he came out in the parking lot following Dara when he saw her. He wasn't sober but he wasn't that drunk but he gave in to the urge to hold her. To tell her the things he couldn't tell her. But he probably made a mess of it as she seemed to hate him much more. Leaving him sitting on the pavement watching as she drove away.

He rested his head on the sofa looking up at the white ceiling of his unit as he ignored the noise of him prattling on in his documentary rerun.

How long ago has it been? How long has he been waiting? How long would be able to stand it? How long is he going to hold his promise to her dad after he had accepted that money for her mom's hospital bills? He's gonna get her back after he paid him? He scoffed. That damn old man isn't even cashing the checks he had sent him as payment. And he can't stomach the thought that he owes him his mom's life. The thought that he accepted Denny Park's payment made him feel like filth and he needs to be free of that so he can be free to be with Dara Park. Every year, he would send the checks and every damn year, the old man probably throws it away.