New Beginnings

Week 3

With summer coming I had to start making some plans, because I wasn't going to stay in LA and since I hadn't decided on taking the trip back home my family would have to agree on somewhere else. I had basically made ammends with everyone by now but they were all waiting on me to mess up. Sometimes that annoyed me but I knew that it would be expected. They would need at least 6 months of sobriety before I started to become a serious change in their eyes. 

So far all of my days had been spent hanging out with Shanna, Allister and occasionally Casey. I didn't want to spend too much time with him because he was working on his own thing and no one wanted to be fully consumed by an ex. One time when I was with Shanna at the Grove, we bumped into one of my old cast-mates Zendaya. We had done some promo work for Disney and she was hanging out with Trevor Jackson. They were both pretty cool and she invited me out to dinner. That took me by surprise but I was thankful for anyone wanting to hang with me. At dinner we just talked about life and she asked how I was doing. After stating that I was trying to make a comeback and how I was working on my life, she gave me her agents number and said that she would put in a good word for me. I knew that she was being legit with me so that was okay with me and I would keep up on my end. 

The following week I went out with Zendaya again and we started to just hang. She had this amazing house in Hidden Hills and I was loving the views that she had. We spent a lot of time just doing yoga, talking about life and relationships. She was seeing someone on the low down and I was just trying to make a new life. But it was like once photographers stared seeing me with other celebs they all started to think that I was changing and some people came back into my life. I had to monitor who I was hanging with but one person that gave me some real support was Zac Efron. He had gone to rehab and told me that it was life-changing. He lived like a hard-core, straight line life now but it was cool to get support wherevere I could. 

By the end of the month agent were starting to call me again and I got a meeting at CAA to see what could happen. My former agent had switched agencies but he wasn't willing to take me on again. Instead I got this new agent named Andrew Cole, but he seemed determined and I liked that. He quickly started sending me scripts and I was thankful to God for  finally getting some work done. A couple days before my first audition since rehab Casey called and asked if I wanted to go out to dinner with him. I brought my sober coach because who knew what would go down and I couldn't afford to screw up this close to the audition.

Me, "Hey Case, how have you been?"

Casey, "I'm good, I just wanted to check up on you. I heard that you're going back to CAA"

Me, "Yeah, I figured that it would do me some good if I actually started acting again. I used to be good at if, I remember correctly"

Casey, "I know, I used to see you on TV and say one day that's going to be my girl, and then boom here we are today"

Me, "Yea, look at us. grown and trying to re-start our lives at like 23. but at least we have the chance to set re-do"

Casey, "Listen I know that this may not have been the best relationship when we tried before but there is just something in the back of my mind that won't let me stop seeing you. It's like I try and move on but I can't. I don't want to pressure you into doing anything but just hear what I have to say"

Me, "Look I know that we've tried this before and after many rehab attempts I can't commit to anything right now. Like we can be extraordinary together but at least give me a month before we try and make any relationship plans. You know that we always try this and it never works"

Casey, "But we haven't always tried to stay clean at the same time. Last rehab how many weeks were you clean?"

Me, "I think that I lasted maybe three and that was pushing it. What about you?"

Casey, "Weren't we crashing at that house out in Pacific Palisades? Like didn't your friend Ryan own it or something?"

Me, "No, last time I was out in Utah or some place like that. Ryan's place was when we were trying to get into Passages and they kicked me out"

Casey, "Well let's not settle on the past because there's nothing good there. I just want you to see that I'm changing and you're changing. We're too young to be called out for all the stupid shit that we did but we were both accountable and I wanna be there for you and vice versa"

Me, "Well what did Alex think about us getting back together?"

Casey, "I didn't really tell him and I think that he wouldn't be supportive of it right now because we both just got out but at least think about it. I'm heading out to San Diego for the summer to hang out with my brothers and the fam. I know how much you liked it down there so you're free to come"

Me, "cool. I may have to take you up on that offer because I had no real plans, except heading back home to Texas and that doesn't sound to pleasing"

Casey, "Can I ask you a question?"

Me, "Yeah, isn't that what conversation is? Questions and answers?"

Casey, "Look since I've come out of rehab there have been several moments where I ask myself should I take one sip or make this call, but then it's like my body senses me making a bad decision and forces me to stop, has that happened to you or am I just crazy?"

Me, "No, there have been moments when I'm tempted but so far nothing too major. I don't want to push myself too much but it's not like I've been around people that are pushing for me to get back into that"

Casey, "I know, the only people that I've been around is you and my sober coach. I have the meetings but I don't highly promote hanging wiht other addicts, it can lead to problems"

Me, "True. I'm starting to make a stronger connection with some former friends and I try new things and hope for the best. Like yesterday I went out to the gym and went to this yoga retreat place. I made like three new friends and they seemed pretty setteld. You should actually try yoga, it's extremely relaxing"

Casey, "So next time you go take me and I can see"

Me, "So what are your plans, well for the future"

Casey, "I'm actually going to take a mini summer break and then the band has slated recording to start in eary September. Hopefully that keeps me busy and then I don't know, maybe if I'm up to it we can start pushing a tour"

Me, "Wow, a tour is a huge step, but hanging with the band used to be so much fun. Especially when we would go to Bear Mountain and Disney Land"

Casey, "That's only because we would get free passes and unlimied food. you used to be a food junkie"

Me, "don' act like you didn't enjoy all the free food too. Last time I checked you used to be binge eating off of me when we went and then complain when we went on the coasters, nobody told you to eat all those hambugers and fries"

Casey, "But they were amazing, how could I stop myself?"

Me, "Well we found ways to stop, they just weren't healthy"