Why Me??

chapter 4:

I'm truly trying to find myself in the center of all of these issues, hurdles, and obstacles. I'm 18 now, seeing my father's anger, and my mom's tears, and how she regrets the day she left her family and run away with my father. That's why I hated what they called first love, that stupid , reckless feeling that makes you go through all this.
But, what happened in the past had happened that what my mom always answer me when I tell her about my opinion in everything. She always keep on telling me that :"going deep then here you know what the world keeps". Yes, she's wise but till now I really don't get what she mean most of the time.
I'm now on my summer break, I decided to relax my self , have a couple days away of the destruction , the hurricane that happens everyday between 2 different minds that I don't know till now what made their heart beat.
I told my mom that I wanted to leave for few days to LA from my own money that I gained working as a waitress in a cafe or as a babysitter in my weekends; she supported me telling me to relieve myself, free my soul and enjoy my life like any 18 years old . But, I was scared to leave , to leave my mom , afraid of my dad, and what he could do after being drunk.
Every time ,I wanted to pack up my bag, choose my clothes, the thought of what could happen if I go comes to my mind.

        Suddenly, I heard my dad calling my mom angrily:"Mariam, Mariam what do you think doing? Why is this book over here? Do you want Beka to see it? who the hell you think yourself? What you wanted all this time? Yes,  she's 18 years you want to play with her mind, all the tears you keep on sheding just to make her feel sympathy right?? So, she changes her religion! ! Come now , come here bitch!!Are u deaf now!! I wanted to intrupt saying that I'm grown up now and I know what is the best for me and no one can force me to do anything, but as usual i never felt confident to say anything for my dad , and in fact these were words that I would've said if I really know what is going, but I'm lost and I got no clue what to do. My thoughts were intruppted by mom screaming loudly:"I handled enough of this shit, im doing everything to handle the crap you keep on saying, your drunk situation , you are just a pain in my ass, and all what I want is Beka to have a family to say later on this is my dad and mom, but you keep on proving me wrong, you don't deserve me not at all."
      There was no surprise of what will happen next, for the first time ever, I didn't care, it was the same story saying this for me , then goes to shouting then hitting my mom bad till she can't walk , or bleeding on the floor.
      I didn't care what is happening outside but I needed to face the truth, I had a very strange feeling , feeling like I'm so powerful and no one can stop me, I went outside and stared at my dad 's drunk eyes and told him enough. I didn't know the power I have over him until now , he really did stop, is it that easy??
       He went off ashamed of himself, as if it the first time I see them in this way , but it's like the thousand time, but maybe its my first try to stop what is happening, what made him stop. I guess ghe went off to drink couple drinks of what he can afford then come here before the sun rises.
     I picked my mom , helped her to change her clothes, she looked at me , and said :"thank you baby".I was surprised by the power of stop, of words .
    I know from that moment what I wanted to be, I wanted to be a lawyer , one that care about women's rights. My mom said:"go and relax now, tommorow you will have a long day, you are about to live your life , you should be excited , smile to your enemies , you make them your friends, take care of yourself darling."
   Mom always has this thing, she always tell me some wise words that later on I always be beniefted from fortunately.
    I kissed my mom on here forehead and asked her to pray for me , while her eyes were full of tears, she told me may god always stay by your side my dear. I felt like I have the world in my hand, not caring of what could happen next.  But, if I won a battle, this doesn't mean I won them all, and I'm sure about it.
    I needed some clarity that what I started writing to my dad, please if you love me, ,stay away from my mom, remember that she is the reason I'm here, I'm here because if you two, dont drink much, don't worry about me ,  I'll come soon as I feel like I'm ready for university for everything. I love you dad so much, you are my hero.
      And by that, I left to my friend house to say goodbye , laura always been there for me, thats why I think she deserves me to go to her house and hug her tight, and tell her about going on a vacation to LA, she looked at me and told me that she will miss me and not to be late , so I'll be for her 18th birthday , and I promised her I won't be late.