Why Me??

chapter 3:

I hated seeing them passing through struggles , stuck in the same house while hatred is the feeling both of them are feeling to each other. It broke my heart that I couldn't change a thing, their fights never end and that shattered me that they have to live knowing that the only reason they are together is me not love.

I never wanted to be the first in anything, all I want was to achieve my mission even if it's will take me days or months. I wanted to light up the sparkle of their love again , letting them know that love is more powerful than religion, race or any difference.

Other than my mom and dad
problems and how much I needed to be strong for them , I needed to be strong for me , I will start university but I don't know where to put myself in , I don't know what magor I wanna study, my brain is about to explode, I'm so scared to go into university life. I'm not an outdoor girl, I never been in love , I'm just maybe terrified of people judging me since I don't know really who am I anymore, am I a Christian? ?if I am why I never go to church. Am I a Muslim ? If I am why I never go to "gameaa". It's too hard to trust and love people if u don't even trust and love yourself.

I'm more afraid of people because of their 2 faces. One that is clear, friendly, sweet and helpful. One that shows you humanity and love but the other one is hungry for blood, dirty, cruel, and bite like snakes do.
That's why I appreciated my mom and my dad, they really never lie to me , from day one, I saw the differences between them, but what I know for sure is that they love me so much.No lying, no cheating , just themselves I guess. I don't hate people with 2 faces, we are all the same .But that been said I don't like the noise, dirty stuff, lying, fighting , and gossibs. Yeah, I hate myself. Is it because of my confused religion? or my parents fighting? Or that I don't understand humans?
I always ask myself "Why me?", but I never found an answer.